Environment matters more than ever in lockdown...

Now more than ever, 

whether on lockdown or under strict measures due to corona virus, 

do we come to realise the importance of the environment we live in and the effect it has on our mental health.

 Although the term mental health, falsely, is often seen to relate to heavy psychiatric cases, it is merely our non physical wellbeing. 

Therapists and social scientist have in the past emphasised the importance of our environment and the positive and negative effects it has upon individuals. Our extended time spent at home due to the corona virus restrictions have shed light on how the environment which we live in or have created for ourselves assists us, hurts us and definitely how it is an obvious reflection of ourselves. 

                                                                                                        

The lockdown has opened the Pandora's box and a wonderful shit storm has emerged from within for so many, whether that is realising, reflecting or forcing us at last, to come face to face with our worst self, fears, decisions, failures, regrets, and anything people try to shove under the carpet and ignore. 

Everything has 'ballooned' within households and has mostly brought us against what we often avoided to come to terms with because when on lockdown, there is simply no escape and distractions are limited to minimal.

This brings me to my initial thinking of how environment matters. Never have we been forced to see the environment we live in more than in 2020. Stressful or non-escapable situations tend to put you on the spot where you have to reap what you have sawed.

So what is it that the wrong environment has done to people's lives?   

Let's say your marriage is an endless every day attempt not to kill each other but do not want to leave because you do not want to ruin what you have built. Although what you have build is already ruined and is not actually there anymore. Take away everything you do everyday and forced to be at home all the time due to the lockdown.... Guess what that environment would be like...

Now, the opposing scenario could be a loving couple where the environment at home is ever so nice, they like spending time together, do things together etc. Lockdown hits, 'yay', more time to spend together is probably a logical assumption.

In many cases the rise of violence against women has been scary, in many countries. This is more reflective of what was already there rather than was created with the lockdown. The lockdown has brought to surface every little bit of our worst selves we have tried to suppress or ignore and even hide from those closest to us.

For those living alone, it is more likely that since they are unable to take all their shit out to the people they live with,  will most likely take it out on themselves. Not because it is a difficult moment but because isolation has brought to light what each of us refused to see and deal with even if it stuff from our childhood. 

For those lucky few, this lockdown would be an opportunity to reflect, realise and use this experience to turn something so negative into a stepping stone to become better people when the time comes to be amongst others and create new relationships. 

For the unfortunate few, who are so resistant in realising their issues and weaknesses even when those little asshole issues, hit them with a bat with needles, in the face, refuse to do anything, the lockdown will take its tole and post lockdown will be like caged animals who are finally set free.

In the case of children, what can I say. 

The unfortunate ones have been locked in with parents which should have never been parents. Negligent, full of issues they refused to work on before having a family, and worst case scenarios abusive. 

This environment was already bad and now they are totally trapped as if emotional entrapment wasn't enough, physically too. 

So if children from such homes are to become violent themselves, bullies, abusers as they repeat those patterns, what will they now become having being trapped, literally, at home.

Ofcourse the other side of the coin, has been the so many parents who have said to finally have had more time to spend with their children, play with them, talk, interact, and overall spend quality time with them which they couldn't before. This has both benefit parents and children, but the good environment was existent. 

But what all of the above examples come down to is, the significance our environments has for us. 

What we do forget though is how we are the ones who build them and live within them, and how it is a reflection of who we are, both the physical and non physical space.

'It is all in your head'. Mental health: ignorance and taboo!

'It is all in your head' must be the number one response people get when expressing an anxious moment, a worry with no apparent reason or 'unreasonable' response according to others. Today, I will be voicing thoughts regarding the ignorance and taboos we meet so often in our daily life in relation to mental health.

I find these two being related, as it is so easy to maintain a culture of taboos where there is ignorance. Ignorance can be a result of lack of proper information and understanding of that information. In tackling this, as a society, it can be a step to fight the mentality of 'it is all in your head.' 

 Let’s say someone tells you they have anxiety. Anxiety has many 'faces' if you like. For instance, people with high functioning anxiety, a term widely used, refers to those who function reasonably well although suffer from anxiety. Now many, falsely mistake stress with anxiety. The difference is while stress is caused by external factors, such as work, anxiety is caused by internal such as trauma. People often consider those with anxiety 'neurotic' (a term not used medically but as an adjective), to be overreacting, attention seeking or even drama queens. Telling someone who just trusted you enough to tell you they had a panic or anxiety attack 'It's all in your head',  there is nothing wrong you or you are not hurt (physically),  not only shows how ignorant as a society we are but also how much we have failed to educate people on the subject. When we fall and hurt ourselves, most of the time the wounds are visible, a scratch, a bruise and so on. When we are emotionally hurt it is not possible to expect those wounds or traumas to be visible, although there are many cases where psychological pain, stress, trauma etc., starts appearing such as hair loss or hair turning grey, let’s say, a very common problem. 

Telling someone their panic attack is in their head, is like telling them they did not experience the discomfort or pain but they imagined it. Just because something is not caused by physical pain it does not mean it did not happen, exist or experienced. Panic attacks often include shortening of breath or feeling as if the person is having a heart attack, amongst other. Just because this is not cause by a heart attack, it does not mean it did not happen or the person did not have the symptoms, it just means they were caused by something else, something non-physical. 

Now, even though I have, met drama queens, attention seeking and hyperbolic individuals, we have failed as a society to distinguish between those individuals and those with some form of mental health issue, disorder or even syndrome whom are often characterised in the same way, simply because people are ignorant or misinformed and cannot see the difference but simply a reaction which they seem to misinterpret. Now that being said, I do strongly support attention seekers to see a therapist as to discover why they are in so much need to post so many selfies with everything hanging out.

Even though especially in the past few years, there is a more open discussion, information and acceptance on the importance of mental health, there is still a frightening trend of those who will respond with 'you are fine, you look normal.' And...there is where the problem lies. I was recently with an old friend and one of his friends and suddenly the conversation turned to this topic. When the young woman with us expressed how much it helped her going to a therapist and how she can do and say things which are normal to all of us but were hard for her, my friend's response was 'why, there is nothing wrong with you, you are normal, just as you always were.'

What followed after was a very interesting conversation which came with comments that I have heard many times from people, such as the ones mentioned above. I realised that not only as a society we have great ignorance on mental health, but also great ignorance regarding the role of therapists, not to mention the social stigma of going to one, creating so much resistance to do so, for so many.

I have often heard people say they do not trust them to do what their role indicates but upon elaborating, they seem to not understand at all what it is they are meant to do in the first place, which is not magic or solve your problems. People tend to fail to understand mental health is not the same as physical health where wounds are visible and treatment is different. Many have also difficulty accepting the term 'therapy' or 'treatment' as they feel they are not 'ill', getting hund up too much on words and less in the point.

I have also heard of people being paranoid that if they go to a therapist, he or she will place ideas in their heads and convince them of things that are not reflective of their situation (not using the word true here consciously). Although this is indeed an issue raised in the field regarding false memories brought in, in therapy and indeed has been an issue which professionals see a need in tackling, this is something common in medicine too. There are cases of being misdiagnosed for instance but this is no reason for never visiting another doctor in your life. Besides, it is not something that you are certain you will meet upon deciding to go to therapy, it is not a certainty or the rule. 

People are often reluctant to see a therapist , as they do not consider themselves 'crazy' as they often express. Not going to go into how problematic, ignorant and false that term is but will say, that if you cannot function as you should then you should treat that as any part of your body. If your arm cannot make certain movements or without hurting and it does not function properly, you would go to a doctor right? Imagine now someone telling you that you seem normal and your arm is in place and it seems to not be paralised so why do you need to see a doctor... What would your response be if your arm has not full and proper funtion without say, hurting in certain movements or no apparent wounds, bruises, scratches?

Imagine now, you have a thought or behaviour that leads to being disfunctional or problematic (not you as a person, but the behaviour itself). If for example you think everyone you meet wants to hurt you (emotionally or physically) and cannot form healthy relationships. I would say that there is something that you may need help with to understand why and hopefully solving. Now lets say, you started buying useless things and you have become a hoarder. Now we all at times buy useless things but hoarding is another thing. It does not mean you are 'crazy' as you say, but there is something that has sparked this behaviour and if you could have tackled it, you would have, therefore a therapist can give you some assist in discovering what that was and hopefully resolve the problem. 

People tend to perceive mental health to mean mental illness and often avoid seeing someone with the fear they will be called 'crazy', or worse, see themselves as such. We often do not appreciate the fact that appart from psychiatrists, we are gifted with psychologists also. The differentiation which came between the two was a very important step. 

In Lisa Appignanesi's book 'Mad, bad or sad. A history of women and the mind doctors from 1800 to the present', which I recommend by the way, we can see how women for example were seen in need of a psychiatrist and seen as 'crazy' when failing to conform or want what was considered normal at the time (like not wanting to have children). This is a perfect display of how psychology has benefited us, people, on the whole and that what is out of the norm is not necessarily an illness, recognising the uniqueness of personality. 

This I think is the biggest misconception which has been bred throughout time is that mental health is synonymous to mental illness. This for me is like having ache every time you bend your arm because you hurt it during exercise and be told you need surgery where you just need physiotherapy. 

As a society we have failed to educate people and have instead created a society where weakness is nurtured. We have gone from trying to teach respect and acceptance for what  is different or what we are not well acquainted with, to a place where any opposing or contradicting opinion is seen as a personal attack. In this respect, instead of improving things and creating an environment of understanding and not judging those brave enough to recognise a need to seek help and work out their issues, to the other extreme where we teach people they have to tiptoe around everyone. 

 On a final note. it is detrimental not only to be ignorant and have taboos in 2020 where individuals think to seek a therapist means one is 'crazy' as they put it, but it is also worrying to not even be able to understand the role and purpose of a therapist, identify the need to seek one, or to even be able to understand the difference between a psychiatrist and a psychologist...

Picture source:https://www.memotext.com/the-adoption-of-digital-mental-health-interventions/ 

Rambo: my plant

 

Like all living organisms, plants, have basic needs. 

At least light and water if they are amongst the easiest to maintain.

I have a story of a plant, or as it turned out some sort of vine, that has managed to not only survive, but grow by itself, for four years.

But let me start from the beginning. 

Four year ago last June, the 2nd to be precise, I made the decision to move abroad, in search of a better life. Spoiler alert, did not go as planned or hoped,  and recently returned, no further comments....

Anyway. When I left I had 3 pots with soil, the kind that are short and long and some kind of seed (which is a mystery from where it has come from or what it was of) had managed make some kind of tall, dry looking plant grow, that was nothing too impressive nor exceptionally big. 

By that, I mean there were 3 simple, thin, less than a meter tall, stick looking things coming out of the pots.

So by the time I was ready to leave, a few green leaves had made their appearance, but again, the overall picture was this uninteresting, poor looking plant or whatever it was.

Since my move, I would occasionally visit, the first year every 4 months more or less, and the next 3 years, 2-3 times a year. I would always notice the plant was not only alive, but seemed to have some green leaves growing and I would find a ton of brown ones, meaning there were more that had grown at some point.

 Now, I had left no one in charge to water it and was expecting it to  have simply, completely, die, as the only watering it received was from the rain that was not fully watering it either, as it was under a tent. Sun it would get plenty, but water was minimal, meaning it would go on for months, especially in the summer, without any water at all.

But every time I would come back it was still there. I would water it for the time I visited, but again, it would be without any water for months as I was away and it would only get some rain water occasionally. 

So July that has just passed, I decided to move back.

 It had been four full months since my last visit, and again, my vine, as it turned out to be (which I discovered with the help of a plant identifier app) was still there, with so many brown, dry leaves and a few green ones. 

I decided to look after it a little and so I tried to untangle its branches, which spread out in many different directions, each having many other little branches growing in many different directions, tie it in such a manner it would help it climb and not break, watered it and cleaned all the dead leaves.

 As it became apparent, it wanted to climb but had no proper support all these years as it was growing, so I made sure I gave it plenty of water and support.

It has been just over a month and it has started to look 'happier' and healthier. A lot of leaves have started to grow, and it has become taller than I am. Not that, that is a challenge, but in a month I would not have expected it. 

So I decided to call this plant or vine or whatever it may be Rambo.

And I started thinking, a lot....

Actually, this plant has made me reflect so much in the past month. 

Now, even though there are certain vines or plants that are quite durable, if you like, I thought, how is it possible this has survived with only occasional rain water and twice a year watering from me. Minimal care to say the least....

In a way, it made me think of people and how they can endure conditions or situations that are equally harsh. People who have no nurture or care from anyone in their life and yet manage to survive. 

People who only receive some kind of care by chance externally, not their environment, and use it to go on and survive even though they are not able to balance their lives as they stand alone.

I also thought, just like Rambo (which is thriving I am happy to say) who as soon as it received a little care, how much it responded and grew and is becoming full of life, how do people respond similarly when they receive care. 

I have only recently started growing plants, flowers and herbs, but I cannot stop thinking how similarly we, humans, respond when nurtured and loved. 

How many of you have seen yourself change when you have loved ones close to you or when you feel appreciated and wanted?

 We do  not respond much differently I think to plants and flowers, and just like they each need a certain balance or  oxygen, light and water, we, in the same way need our own special balance from our environment to grow, thrive and reach our full potential.

 We too need our light, the one we get from those who unconditionally love us and with them in our lives we are the best versions of ourselves. We do thrive with right care we get from them and we do 'get light' that brightens our days, even the most challenging and difficult ones.

      

 So.....if a plant like Rambo can survive such a harsh, love deprived, environment for such a long time, who says we cannot bear to do so, and be ready to be reborn when the time comes and, love and care, comes our way. 

And by love I mean wherever it may come from as there is no greater gift in this life than having love in our lives.

                                            

                                                                                                  

A Sunday in Ystad!

Sweden has many beautiful places you can visit. The region of Skåne, is one of them with some of the most beautiful places I have visited.
Ystad in Skåne, is a 12th century town in the south of Sweden, originally a fishing settlement. Just as the rest of Skåne, Ystad belonged to Denmark in the 14th century until 1648 where it became Swedish.
Walking the medieval centre with its cobblestone streets can take you to little corners that are fairy-tale like!
Ystad is perfect for couples and families, even for solo travelling!
Even if you are not in the mood to visit a museum, Ystad can be enjoyed simply by walking around, which was pretty much what I did.

 For travel bloggers but also for photography lovers, this is a place that can be a lot of fun as one thing this place has plenty of, is pretty spots that would even satisfy the most dedicated instagramers.

Ystad has something to offer to both those interested in history and to those who simply want to visit and walk around, to admire and discover new places. There are guided tours available but there are so many places of interest that discovering the history behind this beautiful place will not be hard. Home to the largest Scandinavian film studio, Ystad has been portrayed in film and series which is easy to understand why.

 I visited on a Sunday, where everything was closed apart from cafes and restaurants, but that was not any less fun. Do make sure if you visit on a Sunday, you go in the morning, as many cosy cafes tend to close around 4.00 pm.
Ystad's buildings are full of colour, diverting from the classic red that is common in many places in the country. What is worth mentioning, is that a trip to Ystad, can easily be paired with Åhus, as it is just under an hours drive. If there is more time in your hands or you are like me, 'town hopping' as much as possible, it is relatively close also to Lund, even Malmö although these two cities are quite large to cram into even over a weekend. If you ever need to travel back time, a trip to Skåne should do it, with Ystad, a place you must visit!

Öland: A day trip worth taking

Another beautiful, sunny day in the south of Sweden, another reason to travel! 

So, Saturday comes, and after a stressful week, I decide to visit   Öland (Oland).

Not that you need many excuses to travel in Sweden, but good weather makes it almost impossible not to take a trip, even if that is for one day!

Öland is an island, opposite Kalmar to which you can cross over the bridge by car in about 10 minutes.

A little spot called Åhus

Last Sunday, I visited Åhus.
Now, in Sweden there is no quarantine, but still I like to be safe and  so have not been going out at all.  Since Sundays in Sweden are very quiet, I decided a day trip by car, would be so nice after having locked myself in since March.
         So looking at destinations that could be reached within 3 hours max from where I am located, I spotted Ystad (post coming shortly) and Åhus (pronounced Ohus). Although it was not a place I was recommended or had seen any pictures of previously, I took a detour on the way home to walk around.
I was not disappointed! On the contrary, I was damn impressed. Not to mention surprised to discover it is the home of Absolut vodka!
This cosy, medieval town , with a population of less than 10.000, was one of the cosiest places I have ever visited. 
Located in Kristianstad municipality and about 3 hours away from the Danish-Swedish borders, Åhus is a place one must simply visit if ever in the south of Sweden.
     Even though it is summertime, upon arrival, everything (restaurants, bars and cafes) was closed at 8.00pm apart from the odd pizza place. I did not mind at all, as simply taking a walk was enough for me to enjoy the place.
There is a forest you can go through where you can reach a white-sand beach, which is nice, but walking the beautiful cobblestone paths was even better for me. The whole town of Åhus is as if it is not real, with houses seeming to be part of a filming studio at some point. Time capsule would be a phrase best describing it!
There are many preserved buildings that are in excellent condition and even the 800 year old ruins of a Dominican Friar ruins can be visited at all times with no charge.

The charm of this town is how well its spirit has been 'protected' from 'civilisation' and leave you feeling you have travelled back in time. Even though the old buildings have been beautifully preserved, the new buildings have not ruined the scenery with the ugly 70's block of flats you are bound to meet in Sweden in many places. There are indeed more contemporary houses build, but each with impressive architecture that matches the scenery along the river which passes through the town.

The more contemporary houses, are better described as villa's, luxurious and glorious, commonly 3 stories tall with front porches leading to the yachts or boats right in front.
       When the sun starts to nod off, the tiny lights come on, along the river bank where many residents sit and watch them. On the opposite side of the river, where the more traditional houses are located, you can admire the architecture and get a sense of what it was like when the town was build.
The town's church bell clock, still sounding every hour in the main square with the clock master's house located just outside the church in the main square.
Of course, lets not forget as mentioned above, that this town is home to Absolut vodka! Next time you order Absolut, remember how it is from this little corner of the world.
The company was founded by Lars Olsson over a century ago. The company has created the Absolut vodka home, a mansion turned into a 'museum' with a bar situated in the garden. Unfortunately having visited on a Sunday evening it was closed, but will be something to look forward to if I were to pass through again.
        There are many sites that offer information on  Åhus and the Vodka distillery such as:

 https://www.kristianstad.se/en/culture-and-leisure/tourism/see--do/guides/ahus---a-medieval-town/

https://www.pernod-ricard.com/the-absolut-company/legacy/

where more detailed info is offered in terms of history and sights. It may be a small place but without a doubt, of unique beauty and wonderful background.
It is, for sure, a place worth visiting.

Keeping busy

Strange times surely. Stressful,boring, uncertain.
To be quite honest my life has not changed all that much these past few weeks in terms of restrictions. If anything they have become more productive and believe it or not, busy.

That however, this is not the case for most people. Especially those living alone or those suffering from loneliness. Soooo, I decided to list a few suggestions on how to tackle all that free time while in quarantine. Now, depending on which part of the world you are located in, I imagine rules are different. On the whole though, I think most people are faced with the same restrictions more or less. Hopefully, you will be able to get some ideas on how to pass the time at home in these difficult times.

1) Exercise at home
Now I am a person who is not into going to the gym. I have to say though that exercising at home is quite different. Now, if you are like me and not into weight lifting and all that sort of thing why not find a sympathetic face on YouTube and do what I call 'small bites' of exercise. There are tons of 8 or 10 or 12 minute exercises. If you prefer yoga, go for that! I personally have found two or three different instructors that I like and feel like they are tackling areas I am interested in and follow them daily. You can find so much stuff that you do not even need apparatus for! I think this can be easier to get into working out at home if you are like me and cannot be arsed, put plainly to get your but in the gym. Few minute videos are a great way to get you to become a little more active daily without having to drag yourself to the gym, in front of so many people mostly doing exercises your do not like plus it is free!

2) Have a plan
Now I know most people find that one of the benefits to this situation is the freedom of not planning ahead and running around and having to stick to a schedule. I have to say though, that in  this case, planning takes a much different form.
Planning your week or even the next day, can help you adopt healthy patters, habits, find things to fill your day with and get used to planning ahead. For instance, I would make a list of all the activities I can do at home including crafts, online courses, organising, spring cleaning etc. I would then spread out those activities and do lets say two or three things a day.
 I also started a meal and exercise plan.
There are tons of free printables you can download on the internet. I wrote down what I wanted to eat for the week for breakfast, lunch and dinner and what kind of exercise I want to do everyday. Especially at these times, this may be something that can take a little of the anxiety off and also help us pick up healthier eating habits. Now I know most people have been scoffing down everything they can get their hands on but it only takes a day to start breaking bad habits!

3) Listen to a podcast or audio book
If you are the kind of person who tends to lose their concentration while reading but loves literature, an audio book is awesome to listen to. Both audiobooks, and podcasts can be listened to while bathing or preparing lunch and can feel like having company. Ofcourse there are platforms you have to pay a subscription to, but there is so much material for free. YouTube has a good selection of audiobooks for instance.
Podcasts is a new favourite for mine. There are so many wonderful podcasts out there for free on spotify, soundcloud and other places. There is bound to be something that suits your taste. Whether you are into sciences, crafts, films, true crime, literature, scary stories (one of my favourite) you can find it! I have been loving listening to 'Brooke and Jules in the morning, second date update' for when I need a laugh. I also like 'Speaking of psychology' for when I am in the mood to learn new things in the field. I promise you, you are bound to find something you like.

4) Start a free online course
A lot of online platforms and universities have opened up a plethora of resources and courses available for free. Coursera and skillshare for example offer many different types of courses. Many also offer reviews on the work you complete with an option to pay something and get a certificate upon completion!
Anything from poetry classes to learning how to take better photographs is available. Also, many academic journals have been 'unlocked', offered for free to everyone. So if you are into reading academic journals this is a wonderful opportunity. Just go to google scholar and search. There would be an option to download from the website if it is unlocked.

5) Start a new series
Most of us tend to fall into the trap of watching stuff that is not really mind provoking. You come home from work and just want something that will make you laugh and relax. This is the perfect time though to watch something that has a little more quality to it. There are many series and films on Netflix, HBO and so on. I recently decided to watch stuff I would not normal watch mainly because I knew it might make me feel a little 'blue' or depressed. Having all the time now to do so, I watched some wonderful series like 'Sharp objects'.
Another alternative that we now have due to the Corona virus, is that many theatres offer free streaming to their plays. What a wonderful opportunity! Especially when it is for free!

6) Brush up on that foreign language!
Many of us at some point in our lives started learning a foreign language. There are many apps available today, offering free service versions like 'duolingo', you can download and start revising! It goes without saying you can always pair that with films, articles, podcasts and YouTube videos to help you practise listening skills. Pinterest is another good source of language material believe it or not.

7) Reorganise and spring clean
One of the things most people dread is tackling all the junk that is pilling up in their homes. Whether it is paper, old clothes or broken items that you will take care of at some point, no one likes to get a crack on cleaning all that stuff.  Of course you do not want to spend the weekend doing that when you have been working so hard all week! Now it is the perfect time to get a crack into that task! Believe me, it will feel good afterwards! There is nothing worse that having useless piles of shit in the house.

8) Take care of yourself
Our lives today are a constant rat race. The workload, getting children to activities, cooking, cleaning and so on. This is the perfect time to take a breath. Here is the perfect opportunity to take advantage of the time you have and pamper yourself. We often forget to do that. Body and mind need a pump every now and then. Take a long bubble bath, relax and empty your mind. Start  doing breathing exercises and begin to destress. You can start journaling too which is an awesome way to self reflect, a common practice that can help you in so many levels. Use this time to step back from all the stress and craziness that we all come across, especially with colleagues! Use your journal to rediscover what it is you want and what is important in your life and if you get stuck with what to write, there are a lot of journaling prompts online for free.

9) Find penpals
How many of you had penpals while growing up? I did! I had forgotten how much I enjoyed it. If you think that this is just for children, here is where you are wrong! Penpaling, has become again a very popular activity where people exchange letters with people from all over the world. Whether you want to practise a language, exchange crafts and gifts, or simply 'meet' people from different countries, penpaling is an great way to do that!
One of the sites I have used is global penfriends. You can pick age, interests and country of the people you want to communicate with and can pick snail mail (post letters) or email. I chose snail mail and so far have met some great people that I exchange letters with and must say it is one of the most rewarding experiences I have had!

10) Try out new recipes
This has been one of my favourite things to do these past few weeks. With the help of Pinterest of course as always. Now I know for many it is hard to shop for groceries, but there are many things that you can make with things around the house or basic ingredients. For example one of my new favourite discoveries was a fruit salad with a delicious dressing. Another favourite is a granola bar I made with oats as a base. You can search for #easy or #3 ingredient recipes and there are many options. 'Tasty' (YouTube/ app) is another wonderful place to find really good recipes.

So, I hope these ideas are somewhat helpful. Ofcourse walking the dog is also a great activity and pastime, which I do while listening to podcasts but this was a very obvious option which people do anyway. The above tips have been my favourite things to do in these difficult times and have taught me how many things I miss out on. I have found to enjoy these activities so much and gain so many rewards from them, that really opened a new door for me-how to spend more quality time with myself. Because after all that is the most important mission we need have.

Break ups and mobile phones

Having had a stressful time recently with lots of good and really bad stuff going on, I have been enjoying long walks.

One day,  while taking such a walk with my dog, looking at the beautiful view a

nd the calm sea, it hit me!

It just popped to my head like a volcano erupting and everything . became so simplified at last! Having had my fair share of relationships, I realised relationships are commonly like mobile phone contracts.

Say what????

Absolutely! Just think about how similarly they work. You get approached by the company which offers so much. You think oh my this sounds so good just think of all these services I will be enjoying....

As soon as you sign the contract committing to it, in all good faith BOOM! Secret charges, bad signal, extra costs and so on... The relationship with the company is nothing like you though, the service is crap, you are not getting your money's worth and what once sounded like a promising deal, is instead pure disappointment where you do not get what you were promised...

So I thought... how is this so different than a disappointing relationship? The other person always seems more promising than they are, promising so much, you think 'oh this is it, finally a normal person I can count on' only to end up like a bad mobile phone contract. The only difference being of course....you are not emotionally attached to the contract.....

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photo source: 

https://www.google.co.uk/search?biw=1536&bih=747&tbm=isch&sa=1&ei=vTqZW5bHMaeSrgTQlIXoBw&q=contracts&oq=contracts&gs_l=img.3..0l10.101478.102599.0.102757.9.9.0.0.0.0.147.927.6j3.9.0....0...1c.1.64.img..0.9.925...35i39k1j0i67k1.0.GFify_gUWtM#imgdii=-m6zdjRLMWZNNM:&imgrc=jJsjZ3rI24MPtM:

https://www.google.co.uk/search?biw=1536&bih=747&tbm=isch&sa=1&ei=sTqZW-WXN4ewrgSt_r_QDA&q=break+up&oq=break+up&gs_l=img.3..0i10k1j0l7j0i10k1j0.8578.9675.0.9950.8.8.0.0.0.0.110.579.4j2.6.0....0...1c.1.64.img..2.6.576...35i39k1j0i67k1.0.BzmvJ3RykVY#imgrc=GUBg_0RgS3l3pM:

Alone?

Have you ever considered if we are alone?
Not in the literal sense of course but on an emotional and practical level.
There is always the love of the mother and dear friends and maybe a caring partner - you may ask though well what else do you need?

I would say a mother has instinct to protect her child- it is in our nature. But have you ever wondered if the relationships we create with others are true and genuine or are they as good as long as they fulfil the needs of others?

Let me explain. We have all at some point in our life encountered that one friend who always calls and sends texts always asking what the plan is for Friday night and as soon as the find a new partner they vanish only to remember you when they are single again.

Now, this person obviously has as a priority the partner but it doesn't necessarily mean when they are single they are not a good friend. So you may ask so how does that make them a good friend when they are there only when they are single? What if they are as good a friend as their needs benefit them at that giving moment? In other words their actions are driven by fulfilling their own needs rather than principals and moral e.g.: loyalty to friends.

Another example as mentioned at the beginning is that of a caring partner. Now we see so many wonderful relationships- the kind that remind you of fairy tales- go to hell after a few years. Of course this could be a result of how each individual evolves through time which makes them a changed person. It could also mean like in the example of the friends that the partner is fulfilling their own needs at that given time. For example, how can it be that people who are generous and understanding at the beginning of relationships admiring their new partner may come to change towards them later?

Could it be that it is not the personalities have evolved but individuals have different needs later on and are not so much in need of emotional attachment of even love? If we take people for granted which is very common I think, than our need to give back may not be so strong maybe?

Of course these are just thoughts but having 'played back' recently the last couple of decades it made me think of relationships and how truly alone we are. If you lucky enough loyalty and priority will describe your relationship with friends and partners. While kind of evaluating my relationships, I have come to think not only how many friends I have that lasted through time but also think back to my romantic relationships.

What I have come to realise is that yes I do recall very happy moments, some of which very rarely someone experiences and many moments with groups of friends which will always make me smile especially while studying.
I do though realise something which I think is devastating if it occurs-that no person and no relationship tends to be such that suggests you are not alone. Although this is not a rule rather than a personal observation, so please do not take it as a firm belief about everyone. As far as my life is concerned after great thinking and realisation the past couple of years I have come to believe one is always alone. No one will ever put your needs as a priority or go out of their way for you if it means it will bring them inconvenience.

It seems as if relationships succeed because the people involved have such emotional needs that they are fulfilled by each other and that is why they last. As soon as people come to get satisfaction of fulfilment by other other things or people they tend to make you less important in their lives.
Let me suggest an example of a man or woman who get great attention from the opposite sex do you think they will be more giving to a new partner than if they were not so popular?

People who are single in their 30's tend to get a little freaked out if they are still single,  many of my acquaintances included, as I hear all their friends are married with children and they are suddenly are alone left with no company. Even best friends seem to lose touch after they have a family. Now although a family takes up so much time isn't interesting how they some times completely lose touch? So I have come to realise that all our relationships as adults are based simply in fulfilling needs. When those needs do not exist any more or more important ones are fulfilled this tends to drive maybe the relationship to an end.

Think of another example of a gorgeous woman or a really handsome man being seen as a divine creature by their new partner (and I would say exceptionally as such by a  partner who had never been popular with the opposite sex). Imagine now a year or two pass but this appreciation of beauty is not present any more. I think you might have seen this before especially in people cheating on their better looking other half - usually with a less attractive individual. We do think why? his wife or her husband are so good looking?

Maybe their need of winning over someone as good looking or better looking than themselves has been fulfilled and they feel better about themselves therefore they do not have that need any more. So as soon as their need is over so is the way they are with their partner.

So thinking back I tried to remember of any one in my life that I can say had been 'true' lets say to their relationship to me.  I will not say more about that but I will say this, I have come to believe that we are truly alone. I don't seem to think that any person will ever do something if it means making them a little uncomfortable or will go out of their way for another person's needs. It does not mean they necessarily deceive you when saying their your friends. But I do believe it is their needs at that time that make them be who they are with you.


picture source: pink floyd 'the wall'

over

Have you ever wondered what and if there is a definite moment that you realise something is over?
I have always thought there is one specific second when it becomes apparent inside you and you just know.

Do we though often choose to turn a blind eye and ignore our gut? If you consider
personal relationships it may be twice as hard to just shut the door behind you, opposed to say, an unfulfilling job.

I often think of people who turn a blind eye do so because they cannot accept something. Quite often people cannot accept that something has ended that wasn't a decision they made themselves, so maybe feelings of lost control could be difficult for them to accept.

Ofcourse as always, we have the psycho (my favourite type) which goes mental (see gone girl), all the drama comes out and his or her inner demons come to life running around wildly, uncontrollably seeking for reverge as we have seen in extreme cases of burned houses, cars etc,

Too often it is common that you don't see things.
Im a firm believer in signs-not in the supernatural way but in terms of the persons behaviour. At some point something will come out giving you a clue-if you look carefully and don't ignore it you may be able to identify patterns or figure the person out.

If you are in love for example, the same things that would make you tell a friend to run as far as possible,  may seem small when they happen to you if you ignore or diminish the importance of those signs by making excusses and considering things are less important than they are is a very common strategy.

But even so, do we have the ability to understand and accept in one certain moment something to be over or are we created in such a way that we are unable to see it? Does it depend on the situation? on the partner? our personal needs at the time for emotional fullfilment?

I have often found trouble understanding the type of mariages or relationships for that matter that go on and on, simply lead by the fear of people who are too shit scared to be along. There is no greater loneliness than to be with someone leading their life like you don't exist.

All relationships romantic or not hurt when over although the person choosing to end it isn't always the bad guy. Friendships are not easier to end than a romantic relationship - it just is made up of a different kind of pain or biterness.
It is usually hard to say that it is over and cut a friend or lover out of your life but does that mean we do not realise a specific moment that makes the end clear to understand?

Denial ofcourse plays a part-realising but not accepting. But what about the rest of us-the ones who like to deal with stuff? Is it identifyable? An invisible line which we cross when things are over?

You could say relationships go through phases, ups and downs. There is no black and white in personal relationships as we are human and have emontions (or at least some of us do).
Many ends come through a gradual process of 'emotion decay'. Now why I use this term? Well, usually begginings reseble heavenly feelings, where the beggining of a romance or even new friendships fills us with so many beautiful things resembling flower buds. It seems though not all flowers are capable to survive or have the same life span. Some are more sensitive and some are not, reaching the stage where they become dry, old and die. This to me is something similar to human relationships. Which some people I think of as cacti-hurting everyone around them and surviving no matter the weather conditions :)


What is of wonder though is, in this process of relationships slowly dying, lacking the care initially offered so freely, is there a definite moment or an invisible line if you like that it clicks that it is over or going towards that direction?

It is very possible as we human beings are so diferent to each other and according the time and situation we are in, that this could vary..... or do we just ignore it?

I once read something like: 'sometimes its harder holding on than to let go' with a picture of a hand being bloody by holding on to a rope. Although I absolutely agree that this happens, I cannot ignore the fact that we as humans, are weak beings. This is why strength is greatly admired. So I'm thinking, as a final thought, does it take strength, to be able to see that line clearly, or does it take more strength to see the line and learn to live with it inside you........      




photo source: http://giphy.com/gifs/school-pike-criticism-DYxcY4l3xdYv6

Denial-killing you softly

I once knew a mother that had a teenage daughter.
For four years the girl's private tutor on a number of occasions expressed there may be a learning
issue of some sort, as the girl could not memorise or learn new stuff easily regarding her language lesson. After four and a half years the  mother decided to take her to a professional whom expressed the same view, that the girl had learning difficulties, at that point aged 16.

The mother after a short shock (lasting only a few days), was asked by the tutor why wouldn't she get help from a professional specializing in such cases. Her response was ' who wants to mess around with psychologists'.......

A  few days, the mother came to ask the tutor how her daughter which as she said ' just would not sit down and study' could go abroad and study in a foreign university, like she there was no issue.

Now what you may ask is: so what?
The answer is that the mother could not accept her child had any sort of learning disability, was in denial and pretended the girl was just not bothered (in the mothers words) just not paid attention, that's why she was not doing well at school.

The mother never acepted the problem her daughter had and acted as she was never told so, by any professional either. Even though the girl had difficulties succeeding in school in her native language,  the mother wanted to send her off to do a foreign uni to study, clearly showing the complete denial she was in about her child having issues with learning.
The worst part was the mother worked as a nurse which is actually an irony as they are supposed to have a greater understanding for any type of disability or special care.

Today, the daughter is studying in a private institution as she completely failed any school exams. To this day the mother never accepted her daughter needed help. To the contrary she keeps saying her daughter is not doing well because she just does not study and does not accept she has a learning difficulty because of some sort of issue in memorising new information.

This story is a perfect example of how people deal or rather refuse to deal with issues they cannot accept. Denial is one of the most common practises I have encountered in my social life throughout the years. Although this may be an infuriating example as the mother's denial had damaged the future of her daughter as she is now too old to be taught of a different way to take in information this is more common than we believe.

Denial comes in many forms like loss. Losing a loved one by death or break up are quite common. Although death is something people come to accept, break ups are not as simple as it involves an emotional distance between two people usually unable to accept the other person has 'abandoned them'.

Denial comes in other forms as well. Denial can include the inability to accept our faults but apparently-it can act as a defense mechanism as explained by
Ajit Varki in the book: Denial: self-deception. False beliefs and the origins of the human mind.

I have encountered many instances where it is highly linked with passive aggressiveness although not sure if this is actually shown to be scientifically proven so maybe just a coincidence. What I have though seen and can comment on in how people in denial cannot simply face what they don't want to see. Nope my husband isn't cheating, so instead of accepting it I will stop talking to you 'cause you are the &*%^^ in the whole story for telling me-not my husband-oh this is so classic of people in denial.

They will hate you for telling them someone else or even they themselves are causing harm rather than blame the one responsible or do something about it.
I often put this in words in the following dialogue, as they usually don't do anything to correct the situation (imagine in a whiney voice) :

'I't's cold'
'Wear your coat'
'I'm cold'

So you see, people in denial do not want to see to the truth-they are much different to the dumb asses that can't see it-they are just stupid. People in denial aren't stupid-just can't accept things that get them out of their comfort zone. I once read something very accurate : comfort zones are wonderful places-but they don't get you anywhere! And with this though I'm going to leave you.....
 

  

Advertising and ethics - inseparable?

There have been many debates in the past about ethics in advertising.
Academics and social scientists against practitioners, supporting how advertising is promoting harmful images,  advertisers supporting they are just doing their job and so on....




Jean Kilbourne once said that it isn't so much about advertising intending to harm, but rather in order to succeed in its task, it inevitably does so.
I recently had a thought.


Is it an issue whether an advert is harmful or unethical or not, or is it rather that it is inevitable to have advertising-in any form, without ethical issues being implicated?




Now, the most amusing thing you-and any consumer can respond to an advertiser or advertising is:
'I'm not influenced by it' or 'no-one can make me buy things if I don't want to'.
That is the very first instant advertisers have succeeded.
Advertising does not work like when your mum told you to do things when you were young: 'you have to eat this'!


Advertising instead tries to achieve its goals by a not so direct manner, by creating needs.
 Advertising does not come straight to your face saying: 'buy this' it does not order you to do anything.

What on earth do I mean? Ok, let's think of some examples.

Research has shown in the past that the images in advertising as well as the slogans, create powerful messages.

The purpose is to create 'needs', 'ideals' even substitutes.

Substitutes for love, happiness , relationships, etc.

Have you ever considered how an advertisement for a chocolate includes sexy images rather than a dentist, diabetics or even overweight individuals which are common outcomes?

Chocolate is more likely to make you fat rather than attractive.

The same story is repeated in other instances like burgers like the following advert:

I'm sorry but I haven't seen any woman who looks like this at any burger house - probably- and I know this will shock you-models don't eat in places like this!

Not to mention eating her burger like this. This is a perfect example of how images are linked to the product or even service. Not to mention the other ethical issues, such as the sexual -not so subtle-element of the picture on the bottom right with the woman's mouth half open (of course the red lipstick which is a highly sexual color) and the snack approaching the mouth, at the shape of a ... guess what.....grrrr!

Many years back, in the 80's, a young lady, only 15 years of age was casted to take part in a Calvin Klein  advert. This you lady was Brook Shields. Now...the advert raised some serious ethical concerns. Not only because of the way the camera showed and focused on the body but because this teenage girl was depicted as a sexual object-made to look like a grown woman and focusing on her buttocks.
 Now you say ok so what? How is this considered unethical? Distasteful or wrong maybe but unethical? Well just imagine you have a 15 year old daughter....behaving like that and looking like that in any other place-or being friends with another girl who is like that and wants to copy her....




Now my favorite shitty advert.
Black opium perfume. Isn't it a f*&*%%# treat!
Girl gets up in the middle of the night alone rushing through the streets obviously looking for someone or something,  to finally get to a guy's apartment where he puts his arms around her and she searches his back pockets until she manages to find 'black opium' (get it) sprays it on and as soon as she does, sighs in relief-just like a junky getting the his hands on his 'opium'.
If you replace the perfume bottle at the end of the advert with a 'fix' you could summarize' requiem for a dream-have you seen the film? Didn't end so well. For anyone!
You know, the film with junkies, really good soundtrack...So what is unethical about that you might say? Oh not much just trying to make a perfume seem so important that it acts in a way that drugs to for junkies-gives that so good feeling-making a perfume look addictive- a perfume! Wow imagine life without it-what would we become without this so important liquid! Can't even imagine....




Now, an advertising team would say this is creative-yes, so?
Let me tell you art has shown some pretty harmful shit in the past.
Just type nazi propaganda in google search and see how many 'artsy' fartsy images you get.
Besides, art is a fluid concept... An image is so strong that could work even before you start thinking about stuff.


For the 'I don't get influenced' people just think- someone tries to sell you a product by 2 different companies. One company you see advertised all the time-the other never- you haven't tried either before-which do you choose and why?




At 6 months babies can identify corporate logos (Jean Kilbourne) and apparently that is the age we are started to get targeted by companies now. Now if that is not brainwashing what is? So of course at 30 you think you 'are not influenced'.
 


Cosmetics-how many of you ladies bought that mascara you saw advertised because it gives x times longer - as shown- eyelashes......
Not to mention you gentlemen thinking the Marlboro man looks so manly...let me tell you - he can't have looked that manly in hospital dying of cancer....think about it!




Of course you are not going to see cancer in the advert-or chemotherapy or even the funeral service! You will see whatever image they want to attach the product to, to make the target group buy it! Why? because they link the image to the product-the image they want to adopt.
After the war smoking was considered so glamourous and even when the studies showed how harmful it was, the adverts kept on trying to show it is sooo damn fabulous:




Just like it says, made for women, beautiful and sweet-and what more beautiful than that sweet smoking cough and ashtray breath-what is more delicate, feminine and ladylike than to stink of cigarettes.
Of course you say but how is that unethical? Well it is misleading..... it promotes something harmful as beautiful....trying to promote an image far from reality.....linking it to positive images.  Now don't forget children or teenagers are also targeted in advertising to create future customers....


 But it works right?
Doesn't she look attractive? Just don't sit next to her cause you will stink as well.




Now, what about men with cars......Women love these. Well not the clever ones.
The validation of having a big car, possibly as a compensation to having something very small, maybe, just saying!
Now, again we have the more feminine cars and the more 'manly' cars.

Now I'm sorry gentlemen but you will still need whatever you have in your pants-cars don't make up for your size you know! Usually I think women do think size matters - and they don't mean that of your car, but the one you have in your paaaants! Can't put your car in every place now can you?


But look at this car advert-never mind the small print-it is slick, powerful-catches your eye and so on. Makes you feel like you need it cause it will make you look so good that panties will instantly drop (flup).
So the consumer starts to feel once he has that, he will also be like that...nope...nope you won't.


Now again-how is this unethical? The advert doesn't try to make you buy it right? It doesn't have the words you need to buy it.


So let's just say, it tries to make you feel that IF you buy this, you will have certain benefits. What is wrong with that? None of those it is promoting in its image, has to do with safe driving! Not to mention trying to promote how it will improve your image and make you look good trying to make personality less important, your looks or qualities. Of course if you are an asshole it might-but again - it will not compensate!




The issue isn't though whether an advert is or not unethical - the issue is could you have an advert-one fulfilling its purpose that is-without it being unethical?
Will you sell burgers if you showed heart attacks? Nope you won't and last time I checked you can't have burgers while sliming down-at least not the ones in Mc Donald's-you know that plastic stuff they pretend its meat?




Would you sell as many cosmetics if most (I know there are a few exceptions now-just a strategyyy don't be fooled my dear) anti-wrinkle creams would be sold by women who actually have fucking wrinkles-usually over 30-with children, busting their arse all day to make it.


Of course not! Why? because the 20 year old will sell better -cause she doesn't have wrinkles-she hasn't even got wisdom teeth yet, never mind wrinkles!
Would you buy a cream even if it truthfully showed improvement? No! Why? Because the 20 year old makes you deny truth - pretend you could get to that. It's like with women in denial with their cheating husbands. Its like people being in denial of what they don't want to believe so just pretend it doesn't exist....




So you see, advertisements cannot sell things if they show the true picture or just confine their message to simple information for what they are selling. In order to make you buy it-they will show you what you want to see and that is-nothing unpleasant.....




sources:
http://www.bing.com/images/search?q=burger+advertising&view=detailv2&&id=73E2D78E8D49B0DD3D1F8F306A22F518800F35E6&selectedIndex=9&ccid=LaD93vIW&simid=608026357815708788&thid=OIP.M2da0fddef216b7845e77ef5546f35ac7o0&ajaxhist=0


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_tom65LKiE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gA_ow1ZzdLo

Crimson Peak

Love love loved it!!!!!
It is not very usual for me to say this for a film that isn't a true story etc but this film I  enjoyed it so much!
I saw the film trailer and got really excited as I loved the era and the goth like castle etc. It is very common to get dissapointed though isn't it?

Anyways, went last night to watch it and can't say I got let down.
The photography and directing were what I expected, the cast was fab and what can I say about that castle.....If you are a ghost -story freak like me you will deffinitely love this film.

The story is set n the 1700's where an ambitious young lady in the USA meets and marries and moves to her husband's mansion in England where the couple live with the man's creepy-looking sister.

After a couple of days in the desserted castle which is constanly producing strange noises and shadows, the woman becomes disturbed living there.

Unfortunately can't say anything else cause it will be a spoiler but this I can say- if you liked the look of the trailer you will not be let down it is what you expect. The cast is great and it is more of a ghost story rather than a thriller.

Hope you enjoy ;)



Picture source:https://www.pinterest.com/pin/526217537689635496/

Budapest magic!

Often you would identify European capitals especially in central Europe to have common characteristics. Having travelled in the region in the past 3 months I would have to disagree.
Upon your visit in Budapest you are overwealmed by the old, beautiful buildings surrounding the city. If you are a lover of old, abandoned buildings you will deffinitelly see some of those in the capital of Hungary.

 My trip there was after the Vienna one. Taking the train from Vienna, in less than 3 hours you are in Budapest. Upon arrival in Keleti station, making our way outside to the metro station which is located directly outside, I came to see the station, which even though is very much to my liking in terms of architecture I was surprised to see the state of it.
 Ofcourse this was not the case for all buildingings as outside the surrounding builndings were more looked after.

 I must say that being in Vienna 3 hours before, to me the city looked quite different than the Austrian capital. Although Budapest is very nice and I would deffinitely recomment it as a holliday.

Arrival-Day 1
Arriving via train in Keleti is quite easy as you can reach it from a number of neighbouring countries like Austria, Slovakia or Chzech republic.
Upon arrical we were able to go outside and get the metro which even though is the second oldest, it will take you to most places at least those of interest.
Reaching our hotel which was centraly located, we decided to take advantage of the afternoon after our check in and we decided to walk across the chain bridge which was build to connect Buda and Pest. We decided to get a quick snack and coffee first and we were lucky enough to be staying close to the famous Gerbeau cafe, a famous place in Budapest. Now I cannot stress enough how deliscious their deserts are and how nice and unusual their coffees are. I tried the chestnut puree and must say it is one of the best deserts I have ever had. Their selection of coffees is also excellent as there are many to chose from, making the capuchino, latte and espresso seem 'poor' in taste.

Since we were fortunate enough to have a good weather, it was a really pleasant walk crossing the bridge and enjoy the view from the bridge which I must admit the photographs do not do her justice. When you stand on the Pest side of the chain bridge you can see the Buda castle which the National gallery and history museum is located and on your right Fishermans Bastion.

We chose to take the hill up to Fishermans Bastion as it was late afternoon so we would be able to walk around as long as we wanted as there is no entrance like the Buda castle which closed at 6.00pm.
 Walking up the hill, we reached Fishermans Bastion and the view was more than beautiful. Directly opposite you can see the parliament and the rest of Pest.

The view is equally beautiful during the day and night so I would recomend late afternoon so you can experience both.
Fishermans bastion is where the Fishermen used to have the fish market, build in the 19th century. It is often compared to the Disney castle and it is made of 7 turrets representings the 7Hungarian tribes which founded Hungary. It is considered one of the top attractions and is within walking distance from the Buda castle. Although on the top balconies there is a fee, it is free to walk around the rest.

If you are visiting in the morning you can plan to have some time to spend on the region and walk all the way to the castle and visit the gallery and history museum. We ended up not visiting at all but it walk all the way to the castle and made it down on foot although there is a lift and escalator. I prefer to walk around as I think you can get to the place you are visiting better and enjoy it more but for those you are not into that or have less time in their hands to get to see everything, there is the Funcinular lift.
Having walked all the way across from Fishermans bastion to the castle, we made it down and walked along the Danube river till reaching the chain bridge again and crossed over.

Day 2

The second day consisted of the big bus hop on - off  tour so we can get a feeling  of Budapest and learn some history behind what we saw! We passed the Eliazabeth bridge named after the emperess Sisi of Austria and we got off at hero square and since the day was as nice the second day we visited the Vadjahunyad castle right behind the heroe square. Although it is a breathtaking experience to walk around it, in the gardens and around the castle, I  must say the only thing worth seeing inside the castle was only to see what the architecture is like on the inside and maybe for wine-lovers the basement offering a little history on the wine tradition Hungary has. If you are not into that then to be honest is not really worth going in. Having said that, it is a must to go and walk around it as it is sooo beautiful. Although we didn't go, you can visit a public bath nearby as Hungary is really famous for them. It is deffinitely on my to do list for next time I visit as I was a little reluctant to do that on the first week of March!
 If you are into art the location offers two big museum on the left and right of Heroes square.

The place is accessible both by the hop on - off big bus tour and metro station. We got back on the bus and got off Andassy which is the second longest road along with Champ Ellysses in Paris and is where the aristocrasy once lived. Getting off on Andassy we visited the House of Terror. The building was an ordinary block of flats till  WW2 where the Nazi soldiers made it into offices and after the end of the war it was overtaken in 1945 by the Soviets which went in and made into not only offices but also had the basement to keep prisoners.
It can be a sensitive visit as it the exact place many freaky things happened but for those who are interested in history, is a must see. The place is a museum now dedicated to victims and offers videos inside of people talking about their experiences and you can see the actual instruments, offices etc of those who had their offices there. It can get upsetting going down the basement as the actual torture rooms are. Even so it is worth a visit.
Trying to cheer ourselves up, we though that moment was a good opportunity to visit the famous New York cafe. This is a must visit as it has been described in the past as the most beautiful cafe in the world. The ceilings are painted and the walls are full of carvings, statues in gold, blue. The food is also worth eating as I had a really big plate of tasty pasta in a really low price. This is not only pretty place with great atmosphere but it is cheap as well.




Day 3

Having walked around the previous day, we decided to take a trip outside Budapest and visit the picturesque village of Szentendre. It is only 30minutes away although we were unfortunate enough to visit on a day where railworks made us have to catch a bus first and then train but was still worth visiting. The village has many souvenir shops which can be cheaper than Budapest and has nice cafes either next to the lake on the bottom part or hidden in the small cobblestone streets.
We spent about 3-4 hours shopping, walking and making a short stop for a coffee and desert as we had done every day - twice a day.
We made our way back to Budapest and caught our big bus again (As we had a 48 hour ticket). We made our way towards the centre to see and walk around St Stephens Basilica which is a beautiful building. We then decided to make it to the Jewish quarter on foot as it was still day time andwe got to the area just when it started getting dark. We then took a 2 minute walk and got to Szimpla. This is one of the famous ruin pubs in Budapest and is a must see. Ruin pubs are bars which are build in ruin buildings within the Jewish quarter. The bar we visited was so big and interesting.

 Day 4

Being our last day, we decided not to spend all day running around sightseing. We decided to take it easy and visited the Keperesi cemetery. Now that may sound creepy but it is actually one of the must see sights in Budapest. It is the most famous cemetery in Budapest and is within walking distance from Keleti station. The reason it is famous is not only because of its size which you can use a map visiting, but there are many famous personalities like emperors, artists etc burried there. The statues used in the graves are something extraordinary.
Having spent over 2 hours, without managing to wallk around it all, we made it back to the city centre and visited the museum of applied arts which was a really nice building although the exhibitions were a little mixed eg: chinese culture, ottoman empire etc.


After our short visit there we made it back to the centre
to eat. I have to admit I tried a really interesting dish of tagliatel pasta with pears! I would have never imagined it but I can safely say it was quite yummy! If you get off at the metro station Ferenc ter making it towards Harley Davidson, the restaurant is right on the corner before you turn right towards Harley Davidson .
During that time there was a street market where there was not only food but also very nice mulled wine, local produce and sweets!
The last day was an opportunity to walk on the main street in the city centre
where the shops are. Although there were a lot of shops I  found the souvenirs especially in some to be overpriced and did not shop anything as I was planning to shop for Palinka, the local liquir made in many flavours from the airport as I only had a carry on and would not be allowed liquids of more than 100ml to take through.

Walking around though and taking a left turn somewhere I came across a building which I had seen photos of and wanted to see anyway but hadn't got around to it. The building was Parisi Udvar. Now as I said at the begining of the post, Im sooo into old abandoned or ghost places (hence the cemetery).
What I saw was something else.
Now the photo does not do it justice and those taken from the inside are quite dark to see detail but this building is so beautiful inside. It has wooden carved staircases which you cannot go up as they are locked. The ceiling is tall and the interior is so carefully designed taking you to a different time designed in an art deco style build in 1913.
I have no idea why it was left like this locked inside. You can walk in on the ground floor and see it but cannot go up as there locks. I have to say this was the perfect end to a fabulous holliday.



Leaving......

The next day I got up early to get to the airport. I was so gutted I didnt get the chance to visit a couple more places outside Budapest but also the Buda castle during day time and visit the history museum
 :(. It is deffinitely one of the cities that 3 days are not enough to see. Even for those not into museums you need a full 3 days. I would say the feeling I got was that Budapest is a city to visit in the spring or summer as a Danube cruise and walk along Danube would be a wonderful experience.
Getting to the airport I managed to get my Palinka - in various flavours!!! It was not until I got back home that I realised Palinka had 40% alcohol!!!
Although the Budapest airport is about 25 minutes away from the city centre, acess is easier by taxi which costs around 9.000 HUF.
The airport although small has everything you may need-duty free ofcourse-cafes for drinks and food and other small shops, even free wifi.
Leaving Budapest my final thoughts was that the city made me a little richer in my experiences and my eyes a little more....blessed!