Have you ever wondered if the things you do or the choices you make would be different if you were more popular (in your view), more attractive (in your opinion), more skilful (according to you) etc?
Would you still have made the same partner choices if you never felt lonely or in need of a woman or man in your life? If you had a successful career would you put up with the same people in your life you do now?
For the past couple of months I have been noticing people and chatting to them about their relationships, past and present, and the choices they make daily. One of the things that is so obvious but we never realise for ourselves is how much our insecurities play a part in the choices we make and the shit we put up from others.
It is quite interesting to think back at your choices in partners - usually we cannot think of any reason for choosing to be with them or why we kept giving them changes when they didn't deserve them. Would you put up with something or someone if you loved your self more or thought you were better or worth more than you actually do?
What we put up with is usually what we end up with. This simply means if you keep putting up with things you don't like that is what you will end up with. If you constantly need to be with others to define who you are and are afraid to be alone you will just end up with either bad company or people you are not really into. I never understood why people being sing automatically felt lonely - you are never lonely until you abandon yourself.
It is not others that usually make us feel better it is actually how they make us feel about ourselves. Going on a date with someone you are really not that into - and I know most people have- makes people feel better because they feel desirable that someone is attracted to them regardless of the fact that you are not so attracted to them. Just because your own insecurities are so many you prefer to go out with someone you don't really like just to feel better about yourself.
In the same way, we do the same thing with ex boyfriends/ girlfriends and suddenly decide to go back to them after being apart for a few months. If a relationship ends because of a bad match then why want to go back to that? Either cause you are over 30 now and think you are not so attractive as your 20's and all your friends are already married and you don't even have them to go out and meet people, so you suddenly realise how much your life has changed and you cannot bear the fact of being 'alone'!
Well this is a reality check for you: being in a relationship you are not happy with an ignorant ass-hole makes you lonely and it is even lonelier to be in silent company than being by yourself. Being with someone just so not to be alone is the loneliest thing ever.
Insecurities are the main reason people, who by nature we are selfish beings, back off doing favours and wanting to be loved and popular, so to feel better by the acceptance of others. That is why instead of being honest we often lie to our friends about their choices on their partners which we often hate but try to be nice. Imagine if you told the truth without fear of people hating you for it. It is other people's insecurities that makes them unable to accept the truth from others. This is why is you know your flaws so well and accept them you are not offended as you are not in denial - and probably interested in trying to work on them.
This is one of the reason call me a nasty person - I'm not nasty I'm honest - and by being honest I try to help the people I like and care for and my true friends appreciate me for it. Try telling a woman her new hair cut does not suit her - if you are a woman she'll call you a bitch if you are a man oh God you'll never hear the end of it! If that woman though is not insecure then she might just take into account your opinion and do a better job next time and not take it too seriously of personally.
So as I was saying at the beginning, think back of the choices you made over time and how many of those were made solely because you wanted to rather than doing so in order to not being alone, or not being liked for who you are etc? We all catch ourselves lying about ourselves specially when we first meet someone - everyone does that - and this is the reason we end up with a different person to the one we first met - cause we try to mislead the other person on who we are instead of showing our true colour and being accepted for that. We fear that something we do or like or how we are may not be seen as acceptable or desirable and we try to show something different to what we are.
But have you asked yourself this: do you really want to be liked by someone who likes you for what you are not instead of what you are? Do you really want to 'trick' them into thinking you are something else and put on a show until it is too late for them to leave?
Insecurities are a part of our everyday life and most commonly we do not realise we all have them and that so many times they are responsible for what we put up and what choices we make. The 'I want to marry so I don't end up alone' is a very common thinking particularly amongst women who are over 30 especially in more traditional cultures. My thoughts are: 'how much of an ass-hole must you be to end up dying alone?' Plus you can marry and have your family hating you so much that you end up dying alone anyway.
Insecurities often make us be around bad company also. Oscar Wilde once said it is better to be alone that to be in bad company and I totally agree. Insecure people cannot bear of being alone as they feel they worth less instead of enjoying a lonely time to use for that crazy alone time in the apartment which we all have acting cuckoo- I personally enjoy quite a few of those moments myself. You do not need others to feel better about yourself - you need to love yourself and consider the view you have of your self more important than the views of others.
When we try to do things to please others in order to become liked half of the times we do not succeed and what is the point of trying to please people for any other reason than to genuinely wanting to do something nice?
Just out of curiosity, think of the choices you have made in your life for any other reason to really wanting to...........
photo source: http://www.ourbeautifulselves.blogspot.gr/
Would you still have made the same partner choices if you never felt lonely or in need of a woman or man in your life? If you had a successful career would you put up with the same people in your life you do now?
For the past couple of months I have been noticing people and chatting to them about their relationships, past and present, and the choices they make daily. One of the things that is so obvious but we never realise for ourselves is how much our insecurities play a part in the choices we make and the shit we put up from others.
It is quite interesting to think back at your choices in partners - usually we cannot think of any reason for choosing to be with them or why we kept giving them changes when they didn't deserve them. Would you put up with something or someone if you loved your self more or thought you were better or worth more than you actually do?
What we put up with is usually what we end up with. This simply means if you keep putting up with things you don't like that is what you will end up with. If you constantly need to be with others to define who you are and are afraid to be alone you will just end up with either bad company or people you are not really into. I never understood why people being sing automatically felt lonely - you are never lonely until you abandon yourself.
It is not others that usually make us feel better it is actually how they make us feel about ourselves. Going on a date with someone you are really not that into - and I know most people have- makes people feel better because they feel desirable that someone is attracted to them regardless of the fact that you are not so attracted to them. Just because your own insecurities are so many you prefer to go out with someone you don't really like just to feel better about yourself.
In the same way, we do the same thing with ex boyfriends/ girlfriends and suddenly decide to go back to them after being apart for a few months. If a relationship ends because of a bad match then why want to go back to that? Either cause you are over 30 now and think you are not so attractive as your 20's and all your friends are already married and you don't even have them to go out and meet people, so you suddenly realise how much your life has changed and you cannot bear the fact of being 'alone'!
Well this is a reality check for you: being in a relationship you are not happy with an ignorant ass-hole makes you lonely and it is even lonelier to be in silent company than being by yourself. Being with someone just so not to be alone is the loneliest thing ever.
Insecurities are the main reason people, who by nature we are selfish beings, back off doing favours and wanting to be loved and popular, so to feel better by the acceptance of others. That is why instead of being honest we often lie to our friends about their choices on their partners which we often hate but try to be nice. Imagine if you told the truth without fear of people hating you for it. It is other people's insecurities that makes them unable to accept the truth from others. This is why is you know your flaws so well and accept them you are not offended as you are not in denial - and probably interested in trying to work on them.
This is one of the reason call me a nasty person - I'm not nasty I'm honest - and by being honest I try to help the people I like and care for and my true friends appreciate me for it. Try telling a woman her new hair cut does not suit her - if you are a woman she'll call you a bitch if you are a man oh God you'll never hear the end of it! If that woman though is not insecure then she might just take into account your opinion and do a better job next time and not take it too seriously of personally.
So as I was saying at the beginning, think back of the choices you made over time and how many of those were made solely because you wanted to rather than doing so in order to not being alone, or not being liked for who you are etc? We all catch ourselves lying about ourselves specially when we first meet someone - everyone does that - and this is the reason we end up with a different person to the one we first met - cause we try to mislead the other person on who we are instead of showing our true colour and being accepted for that. We fear that something we do or like or how we are may not be seen as acceptable or desirable and we try to show something different to what we are.
But have you asked yourself this: do you really want to be liked by someone who likes you for what you are not instead of what you are? Do you really want to 'trick' them into thinking you are something else and put on a show until it is too late for them to leave?
Insecurities are a part of our everyday life and most commonly we do not realise we all have them and that so many times they are responsible for what we put up and what choices we make. The 'I want to marry so I don't end up alone' is a very common thinking particularly amongst women who are over 30 especially in more traditional cultures. My thoughts are: 'how much of an ass-hole must you be to end up dying alone?' Plus you can marry and have your family hating you so much that you end up dying alone anyway.
Insecurities often make us be around bad company also. Oscar Wilde once said it is better to be alone that to be in bad company and I totally agree. Insecure people cannot bear of being alone as they feel they worth less instead of enjoying a lonely time to use for that crazy alone time in the apartment which we all have acting cuckoo- I personally enjoy quite a few of those moments myself. You do not need others to feel better about yourself - you need to love yourself and consider the view you have of your self more important than the views of others.
When we try to do things to please others in order to become liked half of the times we do not succeed and what is the point of trying to please people for any other reason than to genuinely wanting to do something nice?
Just out of curiosity, think of the choices you have made in your life for any other reason to really wanting to...........
photo source: http://www.ourbeautifulselves.blogspot.gr/
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