I once knew a mother that had a teenage daughter.
For four years the girl's private tutor on a number of occasions expressed there may be a learning
issue of some sort, as the girl could not memorise or learn new stuff easily regarding her language lesson. After four and a half years the mother decided to take her to a professional whom expressed the same view, that the girl had learning difficulties, at that point aged 16.
The mother after a short shock (lasting only a few days), was asked by the tutor why wouldn't she get help from a professional specializing in such cases. Her response was ' who wants to mess around with psychologists'.......
A few days, the mother came to ask the tutor how her daughter which as she said ' just would not sit down and study' could go abroad and study in a foreign university, like she there was no issue.
Now what you may ask is: so what?
The answer is that the mother could not accept her child had any sort of learning disability, was in denial and pretended the girl was just not bothered (in the mothers words) just not paid attention, that's why she was not doing well at school.
The mother never acepted the problem her daughter had and acted as she was never told so, by any professional either. Even though the girl had difficulties succeeding in school in her native language, the mother wanted to send her off to do a foreign uni to study, clearly showing the complete denial she was in about her child having issues with learning.
The worst part was the mother worked as a nurse which is actually an irony as they are supposed to have a greater understanding for any type of disability or special care.
Today, the daughter is studying in a private institution as she completely failed any school exams. To this day the mother never accepted her daughter needed help. To the contrary she keeps saying her daughter is not doing well because she just does not study and does not accept she has a learning difficulty because of some sort of issue in memorising new information.
This story is a perfect example of how people deal or rather refuse to deal with issues they cannot accept. Denial is one of the most common practises I have encountered in my social life throughout the years. Although this may be an infuriating example as the mother's denial had damaged the future of her daughter as she is now too old to be taught of a different way to take in information this is more common than we believe.
Denial comes in many forms like loss. Losing a loved one by death or break up are quite common. Although death is something people come to accept, break ups are not as simple as it involves an emotional distance between two people usually unable to accept the other person has 'abandoned them'.
Denial comes in other forms as well. Denial can include the inability to accept our faults but apparently-it can act as a defense mechanism as explained by
Ajit Varki in the book: Denial: self-deception. False beliefs and the origins of the human mind.
I have encountered many instances where it is highly linked with passive aggressiveness although not sure if this is actually shown to be scientifically proven so maybe just a coincidence. What I have though seen and can comment on in how people in denial cannot simply face what they don't want to see. Nope my husband isn't cheating, so instead of accepting it I will stop talking to you 'cause you are the &*%^^ in the whole story for telling me-not my husband-oh this is so classic of people in denial.
They will hate you for telling them someone else or even they themselves are causing harm rather than blame the one responsible or do something about it.
I often put this in words in the following dialogue, as they usually don't do anything to correct the situation (imagine in a whiney voice) :
'I't's cold'
'Wear your coat'
'I'm cold'
So you see, people in denial do not want to see to the truth-they are much different to the dumb asses that can't see it-they are just stupid. People in denial aren't stupid-just can't accept things that get them out of their comfort zone. I once read something very accurate : comfort zones are wonderful places-but they don't get you anywhere! And with this though I'm going to leave you.....
For four years the girl's private tutor on a number of occasions expressed there may be a learning
issue of some sort, as the girl could not memorise or learn new stuff easily regarding her language lesson. After four and a half years the mother decided to take her to a professional whom expressed the same view, that the girl had learning difficulties, at that point aged 16.The mother after a short shock (lasting only a few days), was asked by the tutor why wouldn't she get help from a professional specializing in such cases. Her response was ' who wants to mess around with psychologists'.......
A few days, the mother came to ask the tutor how her daughter which as she said ' just would not sit down and study' could go abroad and study in a foreign university, like she there was no issue.
Now what you may ask is: so what?
The answer is that the mother could not accept her child had any sort of learning disability, was in denial and pretended the girl was just not bothered (in the mothers words) just not paid attention, that's why she was not doing well at school.
The mother never acepted the problem her daughter had and acted as she was never told so, by any professional either. Even though the girl had difficulties succeeding in school in her native language, the mother wanted to send her off to do a foreign uni to study, clearly showing the complete denial she was in about her child having issues with learning.
The worst part was the mother worked as a nurse which is actually an irony as they are supposed to have a greater understanding for any type of disability or special care.
Today, the daughter is studying in a private institution as she completely failed any school exams. To this day the mother never accepted her daughter needed help. To the contrary she keeps saying her daughter is not doing well because she just does not study and does not accept she has a learning difficulty because of some sort of issue in memorising new information.
This story is a perfect example of how people deal or rather refuse to deal with issues they cannot accept. Denial is one of the most common practises I have encountered in my social life throughout the years. Although this may be an infuriating example as the mother's denial had damaged the future of her daughter as she is now too old to be taught of a different way to take in information this is more common than we believe.
Denial comes in many forms like loss. Losing a loved one by death or break up are quite common. Although death is something people come to accept, break ups are not as simple as it involves an emotional distance between two people usually unable to accept the other person has 'abandoned them'.
Denial comes in other forms as well. Denial can include the inability to accept our faults but apparently-it can act as a defense mechanism as explained by
Ajit Varki in the book: Denial: self-deception. False beliefs and the origins of the human mind.
I have encountered many instances where it is highly linked with passive aggressiveness although not sure if this is actually shown to be scientifically proven so maybe just a coincidence. What I have though seen and can comment on in how people in denial cannot simply face what they don't want to see. Nope my husband isn't cheating, so instead of accepting it I will stop talking to you 'cause you are the &*%^^ in the whole story for telling me-not my husband-oh this is so classic of people in denial.
They will hate you for telling them someone else or even they themselves are causing harm rather than blame the one responsible or do something about it.
I often put this in words in the following dialogue, as they usually don't do anything to correct the situation (imagine in a whiney voice) :
'I't's cold'
'Wear your coat'
'I'm cold'
So you see, people in denial do not want to see to the truth-they are much different to the dumb asses that can't see it-they are just stupid. People in denial aren't stupid-just can't accept things that get them out of their comfort zone. I once read something very accurate : comfort zones are wonderful places-but they don't get you anywhere! And with this though I'm going to leave you.....
