'It is all in your head'. Mental health: ignorance and taboo!

'It is all in your head' must be the number one response people get when expressing an anxious moment, a worry with no apparent reason or 'unreasonable' response according to others. Today, I will be voicing thoughts regarding the ignorance and taboos we meet so often in our daily life in relation to mental health.

I find these two being related, as it is so easy to maintain a culture of taboos where there is ignorance. Ignorance can be a result of lack of proper information and understanding of that information. In tackling this, as a society, it can be a step to fight the mentality of 'it is all in your head.' 

 Let’s say someone tells you they have anxiety. Anxiety has many 'faces' if you like. For instance, people with high functioning anxiety, a term widely used, refers to those who function reasonably well although suffer from anxiety. Now many, falsely mistake stress with anxiety. The difference is while stress is caused by external factors, such as work, anxiety is caused by internal such as trauma. People often consider those with anxiety 'neurotic' (a term not used medically but as an adjective), to be overreacting, attention seeking or even drama queens. Telling someone who just trusted you enough to tell you they had a panic or anxiety attack 'It's all in your head',  there is nothing wrong you or you are not hurt (physically),  not only shows how ignorant as a society we are but also how much we have failed to educate people on the subject. When we fall and hurt ourselves, most of the time the wounds are visible, a scratch, a bruise and so on. When we are emotionally hurt it is not possible to expect those wounds or traumas to be visible, although there are many cases where psychological pain, stress, trauma etc., starts appearing such as hair loss or hair turning grey, let’s say, a very common problem. 

Telling someone their panic attack is in their head, is like telling them they did not experience the discomfort or pain but they imagined it. Just because something is not caused by physical pain it does not mean it did not happen, exist or experienced. Panic attacks often include shortening of breath or feeling as if the person is having a heart attack, amongst other. Just because this is not cause by a heart attack, it does not mean it did not happen or the person did not have the symptoms, it just means they were caused by something else, something non-physical. 

Now, even though I have, met drama queens, attention seeking and hyperbolic individuals, we have failed as a society to distinguish between those individuals and those with some form of mental health issue, disorder or even syndrome whom are often characterised in the same way, simply because people are ignorant or misinformed and cannot see the difference but simply a reaction which they seem to misinterpret. Now that being said, I do strongly support attention seekers to see a therapist as to discover why they are in so much need to post so many selfies with everything hanging out.

Even though especially in the past few years, there is a more open discussion, information and acceptance on the importance of mental health, there is still a frightening trend of those who will respond with 'you are fine, you look normal.' And...there is where the problem lies. I was recently with an old friend and one of his friends and suddenly the conversation turned to this topic. When the young woman with us expressed how much it helped her going to a therapist and how she can do and say things which are normal to all of us but were hard for her, my friend's response was 'why, there is nothing wrong with you, you are normal, just as you always were.'

What followed after was a very interesting conversation which came with comments that I have heard many times from people, such as the ones mentioned above. I realised that not only as a society we have great ignorance on mental health, but also great ignorance regarding the role of therapists, not to mention the social stigma of going to one, creating so much resistance to do so, for so many.

I have often heard people say they do not trust them to do what their role indicates but upon elaborating, they seem to not understand at all what it is they are meant to do in the first place, which is not magic or solve your problems. People tend to fail to understand mental health is not the same as physical health where wounds are visible and treatment is different. Many have also difficulty accepting the term 'therapy' or 'treatment' as they feel they are not 'ill', getting hund up too much on words and less in the point.

I have also heard of people being paranoid that if they go to a therapist, he or she will place ideas in their heads and convince them of things that are not reflective of their situation (not using the word true here consciously). Although this is indeed an issue raised in the field regarding false memories brought in, in therapy and indeed has been an issue which professionals see a need in tackling, this is something common in medicine too. There are cases of being misdiagnosed for instance but this is no reason for never visiting another doctor in your life. Besides, it is not something that you are certain you will meet upon deciding to go to therapy, it is not a certainty or the rule. 

People are often reluctant to see a therapist , as they do not consider themselves 'crazy' as they often express. Not going to go into how problematic, ignorant and false that term is but will say, that if you cannot function as you should then you should treat that as any part of your body. If your arm cannot make certain movements or without hurting and it does not function properly, you would go to a doctor right? Imagine now someone telling you that you seem normal and your arm is in place and it seems to not be paralised so why do you need to see a doctor... What would your response be if your arm has not full and proper funtion without say, hurting in certain movements or no apparent wounds, bruises, scratches?

Imagine now, you have a thought or behaviour that leads to being disfunctional or problematic (not you as a person, but the behaviour itself). If for example you think everyone you meet wants to hurt you (emotionally or physically) and cannot form healthy relationships. I would say that there is something that you may need help with to understand why and hopefully solving. Now lets say, you started buying useless things and you have become a hoarder. Now we all at times buy useless things but hoarding is another thing. It does not mean you are 'crazy' as you say, but there is something that has sparked this behaviour and if you could have tackled it, you would have, therefore a therapist can give you some assist in discovering what that was and hopefully resolve the problem. 

People tend to perceive mental health to mean mental illness and often avoid seeing someone with the fear they will be called 'crazy', or worse, see themselves as such. We often do not appreciate the fact that appart from psychiatrists, we are gifted with psychologists also. The differentiation which came between the two was a very important step. 

In Lisa Appignanesi's book 'Mad, bad or sad. A history of women and the mind doctors from 1800 to the present', which I recommend by the way, we can see how women for example were seen in need of a psychiatrist and seen as 'crazy' when failing to conform or want what was considered normal at the time (like not wanting to have children). This is a perfect display of how psychology has benefited us, people, on the whole and that what is out of the norm is not necessarily an illness, recognising the uniqueness of personality. 

This I think is the biggest misconception which has been bred throughout time is that mental health is synonymous to mental illness. This for me is like having ache every time you bend your arm because you hurt it during exercise and be told you need surgery where you just need physiotherapy. 

As a society we have failed to educate people and have instead created a society where weakness is nurtured. We have gone from trying to teach respect and acceptance for what  is different or what we are not well acquainted with, to a place where any opposing or contradicting opinion is seen as a personal attack. In this respect, instead of improving things and creating an environment of understanding and not judging those brave enough to recognise a need to seek help and work out their issues, to the other extreme where we teach people they have to tiptoe around everyone. 

 On a final note. it is detrimental not only to be ignorant and have taboos in 2020 where individuals think to seek a therapist means one is 'crazy' as they put it, but it is also worrying to not even be able to understand the role and purpose of a therapist, identify the need to seek one, or to even be able to understand the difference between a psychiatrist and a psychologist...

Picture source:https://www.memotext.com/the-adoption-of-digital-mental-health-interventions/ 

Rambo: my plant

 

Like all living organisms, plants, have basic needs. 

At least light and water if they are amongst the easiest to maintain.

I have a story of a plant, or as it turned out some sort of vine, that has managed to not only survive, but grow by itself, for four years.

But let me start from the beginning. 

Four year ago last June, the 2nd to be precise, I made the decision to move abroad, in search of a better life. Spoiler alert, did not go as planned or hoped,  and recently returned, no further comments....

Anyway. When I left I had 3 pots with soil, the kind that are short and long and some kind of seed (which is a mystery from where it has come from or what it was of) had managed make some kind of tall, dry looking plant grow, that was nothing too impressive nor exceptionally big. 

By that, I mean there were 3 simple, thin, less than a meter tall, stick looking things coming out of the pots.

So by the time I was ready to leave, a few green leaves had made their appearance, but again, the overall picture was this uninteresting, poor looking plant or whatever it was.

Since my move, I would occasionally visit, the first year every 4 months more or less, and the next 3 years, 2-3 times a year. I would always notice the plant was not only alive, but seemed to have some green leaves growing and I would find a ton of brown ones, meaning there were more that had grown at some point.

 Now, I had left no one in charge to water it and was expecting it to  have simply, completely, die, as the only watering it received was from the rain that was not fully watering it either, as it was under a tent. Sun it would get plenty, but water was minimal, meaning it would go on for months, especially in the summer, without any water at all.

But every time I would come back it was still there. I would water it for the time I visited, but again, it would be without any water for months as I was away and it would only get some rain water occasionally. 

So July that has just passed, I decided to move back.

 It had been four full months since my last visit, and again, my vine, as it turned out to be (which I discovered with the help of a plant identifier app) was still there, with so many brown, dry leaves and a few green ones. 

I decided to look after it a little and so I tried to untangle its branches, which spread out in many different directions, each having many other little branches growing in many different directions, tie it in such a manner it would help it climb and not break, watered it and cleaned all the dead leaves.

 As it became apparent, it wanted to climb but had no proper support all these years as it was growing, so I made sure I gave it plenty of water and support.

It has been just over a month and it has started to look 'happier' and healthier. A lot of leaves have started to grow, and it has become taller than I am. Not that, that is a challenge, but in a month I would not have expected it. 

So I decided to call this plant or vine or whatever it may be Rambo.

And I started thinking, a lot....

Actually, this plant has made me reflect so much in the past month. 

Now, even though there are certain vines or plants that are quite durable, if you like, I thought, how is it possible this has survived with only occasional rain water and twice a year watering from me. Minimal care to say the least....

In a way, it made me think of people and how they can endure conditions or situations that are equally harsh. People who have no nurture or care from anyone in their life and yet manage to survive. 

People who only receive some kind of care by chance externally, not their environment, and use it to go on and survive even though they are not able to balance their lives as they stand alone.

I also thought, just like Rambo (which is thriving I am happy to say) who as soon as it received a little care, how much it responded and grew and is becoming full of life, how do people respond similarly when they receive care. 

I have only recently started growing plants, flowers and herbs, but I cannot stop thinking how similarly we, humans, respond when nurtured and loved. 

How many of you have seen yourself change when you have loved ones close to you or when you feel appreciated and wanted?

 We do  not respond much differently I think to plants and flowers, and just like they each need a certain balance or  oxygen, light and water, we, in the same way need our own special balance from our environment to grow, thrive and reach our full potential.

 We too need our light, the one we get from those who unconditionally love us and with them in our lives we are the best versions of ourselves. We do thrive with right care we get from them and we do 'get light' that brightens our days, even the most challenging and difficult ones.

      

 So.....if a plant like Rambo can survive such a harsh, love deprived, environment for such a long time, who says we cannot bear to do so, and be ready to be reborn when the time comes and, love and care, comes our way. 

And by love I mean wherever it may come from as there is no greater gift in this life than having love in our lives.

                                            

                                                                                                  

A Sunday in Ystad!

Sweden has many beautiful places you can visit. The region of Skåne, is one of them with some of the most beautiful places I have visited.
Ystad in Skåne, is a 12th century town in the south of Sweden, originally a fishing settlement. Just as the rest of Skåne, Ystad belonged to Denmark in the 14th century until 1648 where it became Swedish.
Walking the medieval centre with its cobblestone streets can take you to little corners that are fairy-tale like!
Ystad is perfect for couples and families, even for solo travelling!
Even if you are not in the mood to visit a museum, Ystad can be enjoyed simply by walking around, which was pretty much what I did.

 For travel bloggers but also for photography lovers, this is a place that can be a lot of fun as one thing this place has plenty of, is pretty spots that would even satisfy the most dedicated instagramers.

Ystad has something to offer to both those interested in history and to those who simply want to visit and walk around, to admire and discover new places. There are guided tours available but there are so many places of interest that discovering the history behind this beautiful place will not be hard. Home to the largest Scandinavian film studio, Ystad has been portrayed in film and series which is easy to understand why.

 I visited on a Sunday, where everything was closed apart from cafes and restaurants, but that was not any less fun. Do make sure if you visit on a Sunday, you go in the morning, as many cosy cafes tend to close around 4.00 pm.
Ystad's buildings are full of colour, diverting from the classic red that is common in many places in the country. What is worth mentioning, is that a trip to Ystad, can easily be paired with Åhus, as it is just under an hours drive. If there is more time in your hands or you are like me, 'town hopping' as much as possible, it is relatively close also to Lund, even Malmö although these two cities are quite large to cram into even over a weekend. If you ever need to travel back time, a trip to Skåne should do it, with Ystad, a place you must visit!

Öland: A day trip worth taking

Another beautiful, sunny day in the south of Sweden, another reason to travel! 

So, Saturday comes, and after a stressful week, I decide to visit   Öland (Oland).

Not that you need many excuses to travel in Sweden, but good weather makes it almost impossible not to take a trip, even if that is for one day!

Öland is an island, opposite Kalmar to which you can cross over the bridge by car in about 10 minutes.

A little spot called Åhus

Last Sunday, I visited Åhus.
Now, in Sweden there is no quarantine, but still I like to be safe and  so have not been going out at all.  Since Sundays in Sweden are very quiet, I decided a day trip by car, would be so nice after having locked myself in since March.
         So looking at destinations that could be reached within 3 hours max from where I am located, I spotted Ystad (post coming shortly) and Åhus (pronounced Ohus). Although it was not a place I was recommended or had seen any pictures of previously, I took a detour on the way home to walk around.
I was not disappointed! On the contrary, I was damn impressed. Not to mention surprised to discover it is the home of Absolut vodka!
This cosy, medieval town , with a population of less than 10.000, was one of the cosiest places I have ever visited. 
Located in Kristianstad municipality and about 3 hours away from the Danish-Swedish borders, Åhus is a place one must simply visit if ever in the south of Sweden.
     Even though it is summertime, upon arrival, everything (restaurants, bars and cafes) was closed at 8.00pm apart from the odd pizza place. I did not mind at all, as simply taking a walk was enough for me to enjoy the place.
There is a forest you can go through where you can reach a white-sand beach, which is nice, but walking the beautiful cobblestone paths was even better for me. The whole town of Åhus is as if it is not real, with houses seeming to be part of a filming studio at some point. Time capsule would be a phrase best describing it!
There are many preserved buildings that are in excellent condition and even the 800 year old ruins of a Dominican Friar ruins can be visited at all times with no charge.

The charm of this town is how well its spirit has been 'protected' from 'civilisation' and leave you feeling you have travelled back in time. Even though the old buildings have been beautifully preserved, the new buildings have not ruined the scenery with the ugly 70's block of flats you are bound to meet in Sweden in many places. There are indeed more contemporary houses build, but each with impressive architecture that matches the scenery along the river which passes through the town.

The more contemporary houses, are better described as villa's, luxurious and glorious, commonly 3 stories tall with front porches leading to the yachts or boats right in front.
       When the sun starts to nod off, the tiny lights come on, along the river bank where many residents sit and watch them. On the opposite side of the river, where the more traditional houses are located, you can admire the architecture and get a sense of what it was like when the town was build.
The town's church bell clock, still sounding every hour in the main square with the clock master's house located just outside the church in the main square.
Of course, lets not forget as mentioned above, that this town is home to Absolut vodka! Next time you order Absolut, remember how it is from this little corner of the world.
The company was founded by Lars Olsson over a century ago. The company has created the Absolut vodka home, a mansion turned into a 'museum' with a bar situated in the garden. Unfortunately having visited on a Sunday evening it was closed, but will be something to look forward to if I were to pass through again.
        There are many sites that offer information on  Åhus and the Vodka distillery such as:

 https://www.kristianstad.se/en/culture-and-leisure/tourism/see--do/guides/ahus---a-medieval-town/

https://www.pernod-ricard.com/the-absolut-company/legacy/

where more detailed info is offered in terms of history and sights. It may be a small place but without a doubt, of unique beauty and wonderful background.
It is, for sure, a place worth visiting.

Keeping busy

Strange times surely. Stressful,boring, uncertain.
To be quite honest my life has not changed all that much these past few weeks in terms of restrictions. If anything they have become more productive and believe it or not, busy.

That however, this is not the case for most people. Especially those living alone or those suffering from loneliness. Soooo, I decided to list a few suggestions on how to tackle all that free time while in quarantine. Now, depending on which part of the world you are located in, I imagine rules are different. On the whole though, I think most people are faced with the same restrictions more or less. Hopefully, you will be able to get some ideas on how to pass the time at home in these difficult times.

1) Exercise at home
Now I am a person who is not into going to the gym. I have to say though that exercising at home is quite different. Now, if you are like me and not into weight lifting and all that sort of thing why not find a sympathetic face on YouTube and do what I call 'small bites' of exercise. There are tons of 8 or 10 or 12 minute exercises. If you prefer yoga, go for that! I personally have found two or three different instructors that I like and feel like they are tackling areas I am interested in and follow them daily. You can find so much stuff that you do not even need apparatus for! I think this can be easier to get into working out at home if you are like me and cannot be arsed, put plainly to get your but in the gym. Few minute videos are a great way to get you to become a little more active daily without having to drag yourself to the gym, in front of so many people mostly doing exercises your do not like plus it is free!

2) Have a plan
Now I know most people find that one of the benefits to this situation is the freedom of not planning ahead and running around and having to stick to a schedule. I have to say though, that in  this case, planning takes a much different form.
Planning your week or even the next day, can help you adopt healthy patters, habits, find things to fill your day with and get used to planning ahead. For instance, I would make a list of all the activities I can do at home including crafts, online courses, organising, spring cleaning etc. I would then spread out those activities and do lets say two or three things a day.
 I also started a meal and exercise plan.
There are tons of free printables you can download on the internet. I wrote down what I wanted to eat for the week for breakfast, lunch and dinner and what kind of exercise I want to do everyday. Especially at these times, this may be something that can take a little of the anxiety off and also help us pick up healthier eating habits. Now I know most people have been scoffing down everything they can get their hands on but it only takes a day to start breaking bad habits!

3) Listen to a podcast or audio book
If you are the kind of person who tends to lose their concentration while reading but loves literature, an audio book is awesome to listen to. Both audiobooks, and podcasts can be listened to while bathing or preparing lunch and can feel like having company. Ofcourse there are platforms you have to pay a subscription to, but there is so much material for free. YouTube has a good selection of audiobooks for instance.
Podcasts is a new favourite for mine. There are so many wonderful podcasts out there for free on spotify, soundcloud and other places. There is bound to be something that suits your taste. Whether you are into sciences, crafts, films, true crime, literature, scary stories (one of my favourite) you can find it! I have been loving listening to 'Brooke and Jules in the morning, second date update' for when I need a laugh. I also like 'Speaking of psychology' for when I am in the mood to learn new things in the field. I promise you, you are bound to find something you like.

4) Start a free online course
A lot of online platforms and universities have opened up a plethora of resources and courses available for free. Coursera and skillshare for example offer many different types of courses. Many also offer reviews on the work you complete with an option to pay something and get a certificate upon completion!
Anything from poetry classes to learning how to take better photographs is available. Also, many academic journals have been 'unlocked', offered for free to everyone. So if you are into reading academic journals this is a wonderful opportunity. Just go to google scholar and search. There would be an option to download from the website if it is unlocked.

5) Start a new series
Most of us tend to fall into the trap of watching stuff that is not really mind provoking. You come home from work and just want something that will make you laugh and relax. This is the perfect time though to watch something that has a little more quality to it. There are many series and films on Netflix, HBO and so on. I recently decided to watch stuff I would not normal watch mainly because I knew it might make me feel a little 'blue' or depressed. Having all the time now to do so, I watched some wonderful series like 'Sharp objects'.
Another alternative that we now have due to the Corona virus, is that many theatres offer free streaming to their plays. What a wonderful opportunity! Especially when it is for free!

6) Brush up on that foreign language!
Many of us at some point in our lives started learning a foreign language. There are many apps available today, offering free service versions like 'duolingo', you can download and start revising! It goes without saying you can always pair that with films, articles, podcasts and YouTube videos to help you practise listening skills. Pinterest is another good source of language material believe it or not.

7) Reorganise and spring clean
One of the things most people dread is tackling all the junk that is pilling up in their homes. Whether it is paper, old clothes or broken items that you will take care of at some point, no one likes to get a crack on cleaning all that stuff.  Of course you do not want to spend the weekend doing that when you have been working so hard all week! Now it is the perfect time to get a crack into that task! Believe me, it will feel good afterwards! There is nothing worse that having useless piles of shit in the house.

8) Take care of yourself
Our lives today are a constant rat race. The workload, getting children to activities, cooking, cleaning and so on. This is the perfect time to take a breath. Here is the perfect opportunity to take advantage of the time you have and pamper yourself. We often forget to do that. Body and mind need a pump every now and then. Take a long bubble bath, relax and empty your mind. Start  doing breathing exercises and begin to destress. You can start journaling too which is an awesome way to self reflect, a common practice that can help you in so many levels. Use this time to step back from all the stress and craziness that we all come across, especially with colleagues! Use your journal to rediscover what it is you want and what is important in your life and if you get stuck with what to write, there are a lot of journaling prompts online for free.

9) Find penpals
How many of you had penpals while growing up? I did! I had forgotten how much I enjoyed it. If you think that this is just for children, here is where you are wrong! Penpaling, has become again a very popular activity where people exchange letters with people from all over the world. Whether you want to practise a language, exchange crafts and gifts, or simply 'meet' people from different countries, penpaling is an great way to do that!
One of the sites I have used is global penfriends. You can pick age, interests and country of the people you want to communicate with and can pick snail mail (post letters) or email. I chose snail mail and so far have met some great people that I exchange letters with and must say it is one of the most rewarding experiences I have had!

10) Try out new recipes
This has been one of my favourite things to do these past few weeks. With the help of Pinterest of course as always. Now I know for many it is hard to shop for groceries, but there are many things that you can make with things around the house or basic ingredients. For example one of my new favourite discoveries was a fruit salad with a delicious dressing. Another favourite is a granola bar I made with oats as a base. You can search for #easy or #3 ingredient recipes and there are many options. 'Tasty' (YouTube/ app) is another wonderful place to find really good recipes.

So, I hope these ideas are somewhat helpful. Ofcourse walking the dog is also a great activity and pastime, which I do while listening to podcasts but this was a very obvious option which people do anyway. The above tips have been my favourite things to do in these difficult times and have taught me how many things I miss out on. I have found to enjoy these activities so much and gain so many rewards from them, that really opened a new door for me-how to spend more quality time with myself. Because after all that is the most important mission we need have.