Alone?

Have you ever considered if we are alone?
Not in the literal sense of course but on an emotional and practical level.
There is always the love of the mother and dear friends and maybe a caring partner - you may ask though well what else do you need?

I would say a mother has instinct to protect her child- it is in our nature. But have you ever wondered if the relationships we create with others are true and genuine or are they as good as long as they fulfil the needs of others?

Let me explain. We have all at some point in our life encountered that one friend who always calls and sends texts always asking what the plan is for Friday night and as soon as the find a new partner they vanish only to remember you when they are single again.

Now, this person obviously has as a priority the partner but it doesn't necessarily mean when they are single they are not a good friend. So you may ask so how does that make them a good friend when they are there only when they are single? What if they are as good a friend as their needs benefit them at that giving moment? In other words their actions are driven by fulfilling their own needs rather than principals and moral e.g.: loyalty to friends.

Another example as mentioned at the beginning is that of a caring partner. Now we see so many wonderful relationships- the kind that remind you of fairy tales- go to hell after a few years. Of course this could be a result of how each individual evolves through time which makes them a changed person. It could also mean like in the example of the friends that the partner is fulfilling their own needs at that given time. For example, how can it be that people who are generous and understanding at the beginning of relationships admiring their new partner may come to change towards them later?

Could it be that it is not the personalities have evolved but individuals have different needs later on and are not so much in need of emotional attachment of even love? If we take people for granted which is very common I think, than our need to give back may not be so strong maybe?

Of course these are just thoughts but having 'played back' recently the last couple of decades it made me think of relationships and how truly alone we are. If you lucky enough loyalty and priority will describe your relationship with friends and partners. While kind of evaluating my relationships, I have come to think not only how many friends I have that lasted through time but also think back to my romantic relationships.

What I have come to realise is that yes I do recall very happy moments, some of which very rarely someone experiences and many moments with groups of friends which will always make me smile especially while studying.
I do though realise something which I think is devastating if it occurs-that no person and no relationship tends to be such that suggests you are not alone. Although this is not a rule rather than a personal observation, so please do not take it as a firm belief about everyone. As far as my life is concerned after great thinking and realisation the past couple of years I have come to believe one is always alone. No one will ever put your needs as a priority or go out of their way for you if it means it will bring them inconvenience.

It seems as if relationships succeed because the people involved have such emotional needs that they are fulfilled by each other and that is why they last. As soon as people come to get satisfaction of fulfilment by other other things or people they tend to make you less important in their lives.
Let me suggest an example of a man or woman who get great attention from the opposite sex do you think they will be more giving to a new partner than if they were not so popular?

People who are single in their 30's tend to get a little freaked out if they are still single,  many of my acquaintances included, as I hear all their friends are married with children and they are suddenly are alone left with no company. Even best friends seem to lose touch after they have a family. Now although a family takes up so much time isn't interesting how they some times completely lose touch? So I have come to realise that all our relationships as adults are based simply in fulfilling needs. When those needs do not exist any more or more important ones are fulfilled this tends to drive maybe the relationship to an end.

Think of another example of a gorgeous woman or a really handsome man being seen as a divine creature by their new partner (and I would say exceptionally as such by a  partner who had never been popular with the opposite sex). Imagine now a year or two pass but this appreciation of beauty is not present any more. I think you might have seen this before especially in people cheating on their better looking other half - usually with a less attractive individual. We do think why? his wife or her husband are so good looking?

Maybe their need of winning over someone as good looking or better looking than themselves has been fulfilled and they feel better about themselves therefore they do not have that need any more. So as soon as their need is over so is the way they are with their partner.

So thinking back I tried to remember of any one in my life that I can say had been 'true' lets say to their relationship to me.  I will not say more about that but I will say this, I have come to believe that we are truly alone. I don't seem to think that any person will ever do something if it means making them a little uncomfortable or will go out of their way for another person's needs. It does not mean they necessarily deceive you when saying their your friends. But I do believe it is their needs at that time that make them be who they are with you.


picture source: pink floyd 'the wall'

over

Have you ever wondered what and if there is a definite moment that you realise something is over?
I have always thought there is one specific second when it becomes apparent inside you and you just know.

Do we though often choose to turn a blind eye and ignore our gut? If you consider
personal relationships it may be twice as hard to just shut the door behind you, opposed to say, an unfulfilling job.

I often think of people who turn a blind eye do so because they cannot accept something. Quite often people cannot accept that something has ended that wasn't a decision they made themselves, so maybe feelings of lost control could be difficult for them to accept.

Ofcourse as always, we have the psycho (my favourite type) which goes mental (see gone girl), all the drama comes out and his or her inner demons come to life running around wildly, uncontrollably seeking for reverge as we have seen in extreme cases of burned houses, cars etc,

Too often it is common that you don't see things.
Im a firm believer in signs-not in the supernatural way but in terms of the persons behaviour. At some point something will come out giving you a clue-if you look carefully and don't ignore it you may be able to identify patterns or figure the person out.

If you are in love for example, the same things that would make you tell a friend to run as far as possible,  may seem small when they happen to you if you ignore or diminish the importance of those signs by making excusses and considering things are less important than they are is a very common strategy.

But even so, do we have the ability to understand and accept in one certain moment something to be over or are we created in such a way that we are unable to see it? Does it depend on the situation? on the partner? our personal needs at the time for emotional fullfilment?

I have often found trouble understanding the type of mariages or relationships for that matter that go on and on, simply lead by the fear of people who are too shit scared to be along. There is no greater loneliness than to be with someone leading their life like you don't exist.

All relationships romantic or not hurt when over although the person choosing to end it isn't always the bad guy. Friendships are not easier to end than a romantic relationship - it just is made up of a different kind of pain or biterness.
It is usually hard to say that it is over and cut a friend or lover out of your life but does that mean we do not realise a specific moment that makes the end clear to understand?

Denial ofcourse plays a part-realising but not accepting. But what about the rest of us-the ones who like to deal with stuff? Is it identifyable? An invisible line which we cross when things are over?

You could say relationships go through phases, ups and downs. There is no black and white in personal relationships as we are human and have emontions (or at least some of us do).
Many ends come through a gradual process of 'emotion decay'. Now why I use this term? Well, usually begginings reseble heavenly feelings, where the beggining of a romance or even new friendships fills us with so many beautiful things resembling flower buds. It seems though not all flowers are capable to survive or have the same life span. Some are more sensitive and some are not, reaching the stage where they become dry, old and die. This to me is something similar to human relationships. Which some people I think of as cacti-hurting everyone around them and surviving no matter the weather conditions :)


What is of wonder though is, in this process of relationships slowly dying, lacking the care initially offered so freely, is there a definite moment or an invisible line if you like that it clicks that it is over or going towards that direction?

It is very possible as we human beings are so diferent to each other and according the time and situation we are in, that this could vary..... or do we just ignore it?

I once read something like: 'sometimes its harder holding on than to let go' with a picture of a hand being bloody by holding on to a rope. Although I absolutely agree that this happens, I cannot ignore the fact that we as humans, are weak beings. This is why strength is greatly admired. So I'm thinking, as a final thought, does it take strength, to be able to see that line clearly, or does it take more strength to see the line and learn to live with it inside you........      




photo source: http://giphy.com/gifs/school-pike-criticism-DYxcY4l3xdYv6