A little spot called Åhus

Last Sunday, I visited Åhus.
Now, in Sweden there is no quarantine, but still I like to be safe and  so have not been going out at all.  Since Sundays in Sweden are very quiet, I decided a day trip by car, would be so nice after having locked myself in since March.
         So looking at destinations that could be reached within 3 hours max from where I am located, I spotted Ystad (post coming shortly) and Åhus (pronounced Ohus). Although it was not a place I was recommended or had seen any pictures of previously, I took a detour on the way home to walk around.
I was not disappointed! On the contrary, I was damn impressed. Not to mention surprised to discover it is the home of Absolut vodka!
This cosy, medieval town , with a population of less than 10.000, was one of the cosiest places I have ever visited. 
Located in Kristianstad municipality and about 3 hours away from the Danish-Swedish borders, Åhus is a place one must simply visit if ever in the south of Sweden.
     Even though it is summertime, upon arrival, everything (restaurants, bars and cafes) was closed at 8.00pm apart from the odd pizza place. I did not mind at all, as simply taking a walk was enough for me to enjoy the place.
There is a forest you can go through where you can reach a white-sand beach, which is nice, but walking the beautiful cobblestone paths was even better for me. The whole town of Åhus is as if it is not real, with houses seeming to be part of a filming studio at some point. Time capsule would be a phrase best describing it!
There are many preserved buildings that are in excellent condition and even the 800 year old ruins of a Dominican Friar ruins can be visited at all times with no charge.

The charm of this town is how well its spirit has been 'protected' from 'civilisation' and leave you feeling you have travelled back in time. Even though the old buildings have been beautifully preserved, the new buildings have not ruined the scenery with the ugly 70's block of flats you are bound to meet in Sweden in many places. There are indeed more contemporary houses build, but each with impressive architecture that matches the scenery along the river which passes through the town.

The more contemporary houses, are better described as villa's, luxurious and glorious, commonly 3 stories tall with front porches leading to the yachts or boats right in front.
       When the sun starts to nod off, the tiny lights come on, along the river bank where many residents sit and watch them. On the opposite side of the river, where the more traditional houses are located, you can admire the architecture and get a sense of what it was like when the town was build.
The town's church bell clock, still sounding every hour in the main square with the clock master's house located just outside the church in the main square.
Of course, lets not forget as mentioned above, that this town is home to Absolut vodka! Next time you order Absolut, remember how it is from this little corner of the world.
The company was founded by Lars Olsson over a century ago. The company has created the Absolut vodka home, a mansion turned into a 'museum' with a bar situated in the garden. Unfortunately having visited on a Sunday evening it was closed, but will be something to look forward to if I were to pass through again.
        There are many sites that offer information on  Åhus and the Vodka distillery such as:

 https://www.kristianstad.se/en/culture-and-leisure/tourism/see--do/guides/ahus---a-medieval-town/

https://www.pernod-ricard.com/the-absolut-company/legacy/

where more detailed info is offered in terms of history and sights. It may be a small place but without a doubt, of unique beauty and wonderful background.
It is, for sure, a place worth visiting.

Keeping busy

Strange times surely. Stressful,boring, uncertain.
To be quite honest my life has not changed all that much these past few weeks in terms of restrictions. If anything they have become more productive and believe it or not, busy.

That however, this is not the case for most people. Especially those living alone or those suffering from loneliness. Soooo, I decided to list a few suggestions on how to tackle all that free time while in quarantine. Now, depending on which part of the world you are located in, I imagine rules are different. On the whole though, I think most people are faced with the same restrictions more or less. Hopefully, you will be able to get some ideas on how to pass the time at home in these difficult times.

1) Exercise at home
Now I am a person who is not into going to the gym. I have to say though that exercising at home is quite different. Now, if you are like me and not into weight lifting and all that sort of thing why not find a sympathetic face on YouTube and do what I call 'small bites' of exercise. There are tons of 8 or 10 or 12 minute exercises. If you prefer yoga, go for that! I personally have found two or three different instructors that I like and feel like they are tackling areas I am interested in and follow them daily. You can find so much stuff that you do not even need apparatus for! I think this can be easier to get into working out at home if you are like me and cannot be arsed, put plainly to get your but in the gym. Few minute videos are a great way to get you to become a little more active daily without having to drag yourself to the gym, in front of so many people mostly doing exercises your do not like plus it is free!

2) Have a plan
Now I know most people find that one of the benefits to this situation is the freedom of not planning ahead and running around and having to stick to a schedule. I have to say though, that in  this case, planning takes a much different form.
Planning your week or even the next day, can help you adopt healthy patters, habits, find things to fill your day with and get used to planning ahead. For instance, I would make a list of all the activities I can do at home including crafts, online courses, organising, spring cleaning etc. I would then spread out those activities and do lets say two or three things a day.
 I also started a meal and exercise plan.
There are tons of free printables you can download on the internet. I wrote down what I wanted to eat for the week for breakfast, lunch and dinner and what kind of exercise I want to do everyday. Especially at these times, this may be something that can take a little of the anxiety off and also help us pick up healthier eating habits. Now I know most people have been scoffing down everything they can get their hands on but it only takes a day to start breaking bad habits!

3) Listen to a podcast or audio book
If you are the kind of person who tends to lose their concentration while reading but loves literature, an audio book is awesome to listen to. Both audiobooks, and podcasts can be listened to while bathing or preparing lunch and can feel like having company. Ofcourse there are platforms you have to pay a subscription to, but there is so much material for free. YouTube has a good selection of audiobooks for instance.
Podcasts is a new favourite for mine. There are so many wonderful podcasts out there for free on spotify, soundcloud and other places. There is bound to be something that suits your taste. Whether you are into sciences, crafts, films, true crime, literature, scary stories (one of my favourite) you can find it! I have been loving listening to 'Brooke and Jules in the morning, second date update' for when I need a laugh. I also like 'Speaking of psychology' for when I am in the mood to learn new things in the field. I promise you, you are bound to find something you like.

4) Start a free online course
A lot of online platforms and universities have opened up a plethora of resources and courses available for free. Coursera and skillshare for example offer many different types of courses. Many also offer reviews on the work you complete with an option to pay something and get a certificate upon completion!
Anything from poetry classes to learning how to take better photographs is available. Also, many academic journals have been 'unlocked', offered for free to everyone. So if you are into reading academic journals this is a wonderful opportunity. Just go to google scholar and search. There would be an option to download from the website if it is unlocked.

5) Start a new series
Most of us tend to fall into the trap of watching stuff that is not really mind provoking. You come home from work and just want something that will make you laugh and relax. This is the perfect time though to watch something that has a little more quality to it. There are many series and films on Netflix, HBO and so on. I recently decided to watch stuff I would not normal watch mainly because I knew it might make me feel a little 'blue' or depressed. Having all the time now to do so, I watched some wonderful series like 'Sharp objects'.
Another alternative that we now have due to the Corona virus, is that many theatres offer free streaming to their plays. What a wonderful opportunity! Especially when it is for free!

6) Brush up on that foreign language!
Many of us at some point in our lives started learning a foreign language. There are many apps available today, offering free service versions like 'duolingo', you can download and start revising! It goes without saying you can always pair that with films, articles, podcasts and YouTube videos to help you practise listening skills. Pinterest is another good source of language material believe it or not.

7) Reorganise and spring clean
One of the things most people dread is tackling all the junk that is pilling up in their homes. Whether it is paper, old clothes or broken items that you will take care of at some point, no one likes to get a crack on cleaning all that stuff.  Of course you do not want to spend the weekend doing that when you have been working so hard all week! Now it is the perfect time to get a crack into that task! Believe me, it will feel good afterwards! There is nothing worse that having useless piles of shit in the house.

8) Take care of yourself
Our lives today are a constant rat race. The workload, getting children to activities, cooking, cleaning and so on. This is the perfect time to take a breath. Here is the perfect opportunity to take advantage of the time you have and pamper yourself. We often forget to do that. Body and mind need a pump every now and then. Take a long bubble bath, relax and empty your mind. Start  doing breathing exercises and begin to destress. You can start journaling too which is an awesome way to self reflect, a common practice that can help you in so many levels. Use this time to step back from all the stress and craziness that we all come across, especially with colleagues! Use your journal to rediscover what it is you want and what is important in your life and if you get stuck with what to write, there are a lot of journaling prompts online for free.

9) Find penpals
How many of you had penpals while growing up? I did! I had forgotten how much I enjoyed it. If you think that this is just for children, here is where you are wrong! Penpaling, has become again a very popular activity where people exchange letters with people from all over the world. Whether you want to practise a language, exchange crafts and gifts, or simply 'meet' people from different countries, penpaling is an great way to do that!
One of the sites I have used is global penfriends. You can pick age, interests and country of the people you want to communicate with and can pick snail mail (post letters) or email. I chose snail mail and so far have met some great people that I exchange letters with and must say it is one of the most rewarding experiences I have had!

10) Try out new recipes
This has been one of my favourite things to do these past few weeks. With the help of Pinterest of course as always. Now I know for many it is hard to shop for groceries, but there are many things that you can make with things around the house or basic ingredients. For example one of my new favourite discoveries was a fruit salad with a delicious dressing. Another favourite is a granola bar I made with oats as a base. You can search for #easy or #3 ingredient recipes and there are many options. 'Tasty' (YouTube/ app) is another wonderful place to find really good recipes.

So, I hope these ideas are somewhat helpful. Ofcourse walking the dog is also a great activity and pastime, which I do while listening to podcasts but this was a very obvious option which people do anyway. The above tips have been my favourite things to do in these difficult times and have taught me how many things I miss out on. I have found to enjoy these activities so much and gain so many rewards from them, that really opened a new door for me-how to spend more quality time with myself. Because after all that is the most important mission we need have.

Break ups and mobile phones

Having had a stressful time recently with lots of good and really bad stuff going on, I have been enjoying long walks.

One day,  while taking such a walk with my dog, looking at the beautiful view a

nd the calm sea, it hit me!

It just popped to my head like a volcano erupting and everything . became so simplified at last! Having had my fair share of relationships, I realised relationships are commonly like mobile phone contracts.

Say what????

Absolutely! Just think about how similarly they work. You get approached by the company which offers so much. You think oh my this sounds so good just think of all these services I will be enjoying....

As soon as you sign the contract committing to it, in all good faith BOOM! Secret charges, bad signal, extra costs and so on... The relationship with the company is nothing like you though, the service is crap, you are not getting your money's worth and what once sounded like a promising deal, is instead pure disappointment where you do not get what you were promised...

So I thought... how is this so different than a disappointing relationship? The other person always seems more promising than they are, promising so much, you think 'oh this is it, finally a normal person I can count on' only to end up like a bad mobile phone contract. The only difference being of course....you are not emotionally attached to the contract.....

.

photo source: 

https://www.google.co.uk/search?biw=1536&bih=747&tbm=isch&sa=1&ei=vTqZW5bHMaeSrgTQlIXoBw&q=contracts&oq=contracts&gs_l=img.3..0l10.101478.102599.0.102757.9.9.0.0.0.0.147.927.6j3.9.0....0...1c.1.64.img..0.9.925...35i39k1j0i67k1.0.GFify_gUWtM#imgdii=-m6zdjRLMWZNNM:&imgrc=jJsjZ3rI24MPtM:

https://www.google.co.uk/search?biw=1536&bih=747&tbm=isch&sa=1&ei=sTqZW-WXN4ewrgSt_r_QDA&q=break+up&oq=break+up&gs_l=img.3..0i10k1j0l7j0i10k1j0.8578.9675.0.9950.8.8.0.0.0.0.110.579.4j2.6.0....0...1c.1.64.img..2.6.576...35i39k1j0i67k1.0.BzmvJ3RykVY#imgrc=GUBg_0RgS3l3pM:

Alone?

Have you ever considered if we are alone?
Not in the literal sense of course but on an emotional and practical level.
There is always the love of the mother and dear friends and maybe a caring partner - you may ask though well what else do you need?

I would say a mother has instinct to protect her child- it is in our nature. But have you ever wondered if the relationships we create with others are true and genuine or are they as good as long as they fulfil the needs of others?

Let me explain. We have all at some point in our life encountered that one friend who always calls and sends texts always asking what the plan is for Friday night and as soon as the find a new partner they vanish only to remember you when they are single again.

Now, this person obviously has as a priority the partner but it doesn't necessarily mean when they are single they are not a good friend. So you may ask so how does that make them a good friend when they are there only when they are single? What if they are as good a friend as their needs benefit them at that giving moment? In other words their actions are driven by fulfilling their own needs rather than principals and moral e.g.: loyalty to friends.

Another example as mentioned at the beginning is that of a caring partner. Now we see so many wonderful relationships- the kind that remind you of fairy tales- go to hell after a few years. Of course this could be a result of how each individual evolves through time which makes them a changed person. It could also mean like in the example of the friends that the partner is fulfilling their own needs at that given time. For example, how can it be that people who are generous and understanding at the beginning of relationships admiring their new partner may come to change towards them later?

Could it be that it is not the personalities have evolved but individuals have different needs later on and are not so much in need of emotional attachment of even love? If we take people for granted which is very common I think, than our need to give back may not be so strong maybe?

Of course these are just thoughts but having 'played back' recently the last couple of decades it made me think of relationships and how truly alone we are. If you lucky enough loyalty and priority will describe your relationship with friends and partners. While kind of evaluating my relationships, I have come to think not only how many friends I have that lasted through time but also think back to my romantic relationships.

What I have come to realise is that yes I do recall very happy moments, some of which very rarely someone experiences and many moments with groups of friends which will always make me smile especially while studying.
I do though realise something which I think is devastating if it occurs-that no person and no relationship tends to be such that suggests you are not alone. Although this is not a rule rather than a personal observation, so please do not take it as a firm belief about everyone. As far as my life is concerned after great thinking and realisation the past couple of years I have come to believe one is always alone. No one will ever put your needs as a priority or go out of their way for you if it means it will bring them inconvenience.

It seems as if relationships succeed because the people involved have such emotional needs that they are fulfilled by each other and that is why they last. As soon as people come to get satisfaction of fulfilment by other other things or people they tend to make you less important in their lives.
Let me suggest an example of a man or woman who get great attention from the opposite sex do you think they will be more giving to a new partner than if they were not so popular?

People who are single in their 30's tend to get a little freaked out if they are still single,  many of my acquaintances included, as I hear all their friends are married with children and they are suddenly are alone left with no company. Even best friends seem to lose touch after they have a family. Now although a family takes up so much time isn't interesting how they some times completely lose touch? So I have come to realise that all our relationships as adults are based simply in fulfilling needs. When those needs do not exist any more or more important ones are fulfilled this tends to drive maybe the relationship to an end.

Think of another example of a gorgeous woman or a really handsome man being seen as a divine creature by their new partner (and I would say exceptionally as such by a  partner who had never been popular with the opposite sex). Imagine now a year or two pass but this appreciation of beauty is not present any more. I think you might have seen this before especially in people cheating on their better looking other half - usually with a less attractive individual. We do think why? his wife or her husband are so good looking?

Maybe their need of winning over someone as good looking or better looking than themselves has been fulfilled and they feel better about themselves therefore they do not have that need any more. So as soon as their need is over so is the way they are with their partner.

So thinking back I tried to remember of any one in my life that I can say had been 'true' lets say to their relationship to me.  I will not say more about that but I will say this, I have come to believe that we are truly alone. I don't seem to think that any person will ever do something if it means making them a little uncomfortable or will go out of their way for another person's needs. It does not mean they necessarily deceive you when saying their your friends. But I do believe it is their needs at that time that make them be who they are with you.


picture source: pink floyd 'the wall'

over

Have you ever wondered what and if there is a definite moment that you realise something is over?
I have always thought there is one specific second when it becomes apparent inside you and you just know.

Do we though often choose to turn a blind eye and ignore our gut? If you consider
personal relationships it may be twice as hard to just shut the door behind you, opposed to say, an unfulfilling job.

I often think of people who turn a blind eye do so because they cannot accept something. Quite often people cannot accept that something has ended that wasn't a decision they made themselves, so maybe feelings of lost control could be difficult for them to accept.

Ofcourse as always, we have the psycho (my favourite type) which goes mental (see gone girl), all the drama comes out and his or her inner demons come to life running around wildly, uncontrollably seeking for reverge as we have seen in extreme cases of burned houses, cars etc,

Too often it is common that you don't see things.
Im a firm believer in signs-not in the supernatural way but in terms of the persons behaviour. At some point something will come out giving you a clue-if you look carefully and don't ignore it you may be able to identify patterns or figure the person out.

If you are in love for example, the same things that would make you tell a friend to run as far as possible,  may seem small when they happen to you if you ignore or diminish the importance of those signs by making excusses and considering things are less important than they are is a very common strategy.

But even so, do we have the ability to understand and accept in one certain moment something to be over or are we created in such a way that we are unable to see it? Does it depend on the situation? on the partner? our personal needs at the time for emotional fullfilment?

I have often found trouble understanding the type of mariages or relationships for that matter that go on and on, simply lead by the fear of people who are too shit scared to be along. There is no greater loneliness than to be with someone leading their life like you don't exist.

All relationships romantic or not hurt when over although the person choosing to end it isn't always the bad guy. Friendships are not easier to end than a romantic relationship - it just is made up of a different kind of pain or biterness.
It is usually hard to say that it is over and cut a friend or lover out of your life but does that mean we do not realise a specific moment that makes the end clear to understand?

Denial ofcourse plays a part-realising but not accepting. But what about the rest of us-the ones who like to deal with stuff? Is it identifyable? An invisible line which we cross when things are over?

You could say relationships go through phases, ups and downs. There is no black and white in personal relationships as we are human and have emontions (or at least some of us do).
Many ends come through a gradual process of 'emotion decay'. Now why I use this term? Well, usually begginings reseble heavenly feelings, where the beggining of a romance or even new friendships fills us with so many beautiful things resembling flower buds. It seems though not all flowers are capable to survive or have the same life span. Some are more sensitive and some are not, reaching the stage where they become dry, old and die. This to me is something similar to human relationships. Which some people I think of as cacti-hurting everyone around them and surviving no matter the weather conditions :)


What is of wonder though is, in this process of relationships slowly dying, lacking the care initially offered so freely, is there a definite moment or an invisible line if you like that it clicks that it is over or going towards that direction?

It is very possible as we human beings are so diferent to each other and according the time and situation we are in, that this could vary..... or do we just ignore it?

I once read something like: 'sometimes its harder holding on than to let go' with a picture of a hand being bloody by holding on to a rope. Although I absolutely agree that this happens, I cannot ignore the fact that we as humans, are weak beings. This is why strength is greatly admired. So I'm thinking, as a final thought, does it take strength, to be able to see that line clearly, or does it take more strength to see the line and learn to live with it inside you........      




photo source: http://giphy.com/gifs/school-pike-criticism-DYxcY4l3xdYv6